You Know What That Is? It’s GasLighting

Those are the words that My Cookie said to me when I was finished explaining the situation.

“Dude! You know what that is, don’t you? It’s Gas Lighting,” Cookie said to me.

“What the hell is Gas Lighting?” I ask.

“The term comes from an old movie starring Ingrid Bergman …” and as My RE(tard) went on, I listened and all of a sudden, I realized, HOLY HELL. My Cookie was right.

Okay, so what is Gas Lighting, you may ask just as I did? Let me give you the Wikipedia response to that:

From the film’s title, “gaslighting” has come to describe a pattern of psychological abuse in which the victim is gradually manipulated into doubting his or her own reality. This can involve physical tactics (such as moving or hiding objects) or emotional ones (such as denying one’s own abusive behavior to a victim.) The effect is to maintain the abuser’s self-image as a sympathetic person, while simultaneously priming the disoriented victim to believe that he or she is to blame for (potentially escalating) mistreatment.

Yep, I was Gas Lighted.

Happy New Beer!

I am not making any resolutions this year, my friends. Honestly I’m still working on the resolutions I made in 2007. *Laugh* I am however, hoping that that the New Year brings me the ridiculously unattainable things that 2011 didn’t!

I think the last few blog postings have been so centered on family, death and grieving that it’s time to get you guys caught up on what I originally started this blog about! Bacon, Booze, Boys and Beer!

• Christmas Eve festivities were held at my house this year, in which I centered all aspects of food around … you guessed it. Bacon! We had Bacon-Wrapped Water Chestnuts to start, a Bacon Herb Crusted Beef Tenderloin for the main course, accompanied by shots of Bacon Vodka to those who wanted to cleanse their pallet before eating the beef, Bacon and Cheddar Cheese Biscuits, Roasted Red Potatoes with Bacon and of course, to complete the meal, Brioche Bread Pudding – this of course, has bacon in it. Let me just say that yes, perhaps a few people stared in shock at all of the bacon, but you know what else?
  Not a damn one of them complained.
• I can only talk so much about booze, but seriously, booze is awesome. I think that about covers it.

The Pigeon and The Statue

Once upon a time in a land further north, I wrote this post:

The Pigeon and The Statue

I would say I suppose, that it still holds true for most relationships.

Unless in that so-called relationship, you become nothing but the statue to the other person. And that my friends, is when it becomes time to …

*Laugh*

That’s the thing, to what? To become someone else’s statue?

You tell me … finish this for me. I need to hear something other than my own thoughts.

 

Tex-Ass, Em the Vampire, Roses and RE

1) So tomorrow, I’m heading to Texas for some work-related things. I’m only there a couple of days, and most of my time is filled up BUT I am looking forward to some warmer weather (hello 80 degrees!) and to two good nights out! I can flat-out party in Houston I have a feeling! Any suggestions on where to go??

2) Yesterday was Halloween. Emilee, my little darling, was a vampire and if I do say so myself, she looked great. I did her make-up including hollowed-out eyes, white skin, blood dripping from the corners of her mouth and crazy hair. This year, we headed over to her aunt’s house so that she could trick or treat with her cousins. And this year, she went from house to house for three hours. I had to force her to stop because her bag was so heavy she was having her dad or I carry it, and well, cuz I was damned tired of walking around.

3) Also, yesterday when we got home from work/school, we pull into the driveway and see these at my front door:

I, of course, being the huge sucker that I am for flowers, start ooohing and awing. Em and I jumped out of the car and run to the front door where we both bend down to sniff at the flowers when she says, “Do you think Gavin sent these to me?”

*Blink*

Awwwwww!

Wait. Wait just a damn minute. Gavin! Gavin who? I looked at her and said, “Well, let’s read the card!”

And she was sad when they weren’t from Gavin, who by the way, is her new major crush at school since she broke up with her other boyfriend. She sounds like who, do you guys know?  *Laugh*

4) And let me just point out, those roses? So NOT from RE(tard).

So, what do I have to say to that?

I call Bullshit. AGAIN.

What’s Up, What’s Up, What’s Up!

What’s up, my friends!! I am officially home from Florida! What a great trip this year, oh man, we had some fabulous weather, some fabulous times and some fabulous booze!! Now we have some fabulous tan lines!

You know it’s been so long … I really did take a bloggy break for a while, I think I needed it. HOWEVER, that’s about to change and as my ShaNaNa likes to say … AWH SNAP!

A few highlights from this years trip … On one of our hung over mornings we watched The Night at the Roxbury, our favorite scene noted above. That night as we watched our favorite band and drank our favorite beer, we began cracking ourselves up by walking around going, “What’s up What’s Up What’s Up” with the fabulous head nod to everyone we came into eye contact with. While I think we were the only ones that found this hilarious, we were totally ok with that.

Now if you remember my story from last year, (and you can view The Couch Incident here), you may remember that my drunk BFF sometimes sleepwalks. As she did last year. Pretty much naked, to my dad’s shocked view.

As she did this year. 

This year, ShaNaNa found herself on the couch – again (with clothes on this time). She also found herself … in the bathtub.

*Laugh*

She said she woke up in the bathtub thinking, “Why the hell is this bed so hard?” and realized she was in the bathtub so came running back to bed. Me? Yeah even though I would go to sleep PURPOSELY touching her in some way (I do like to spoon her), I never once felt her get out of bed or wake up when she obviously had to move me in some way to get out of bed. But that’s okay, it made for some great laughter in the mornings!

I’m terribly behind on all of my blog reading, but I’m about to catch up shortly! I hope you all have been good, and if not, you should definitely email me about it.

Short Meets, Shelf Hips, Regenerating Livers and Drunk-Dialing MindyMom

As you may have read from my previous post, I refuse to ‘date’ any longer! It is my opinion that dating sucks.

The only people who think dating is fun … are married people.

Now, instead of doing the dreaded dating, I’m instead doing ‘meets’.  And last night, I had what I will call, an impromptu ‘meet’.  So I met the dude for drinks. (Don’t laugh at meets, they work in my mind!)

Aaaaaaaaand here comes the part that made me wake up this morning laughing …

Random Esquire Loves My Vag! Vodka and Cologne

Once … long ago, My Cookie told me that I had to warn the man I was dating at the time that my vagina was … shall we say … um, large.

Actually, it went more like this.

“You should warn him.  You need to warn him that your vagina is the size of a canyon.”

And thus began our back and forth of the very graphic and very explicit insults of  … my vagina.

I believe we went from my Canyon-sized vag to my vag being the size of a two-car garage to my cobwebby vag (from lack of use) to my hollowed-out vag with the echo … and now we are at the black mold vag.

I just wanna say … does it seem to anyone else like RE focuses on my vag … a lot? 

THAT’S RIGHT BABY! Black mold or not, RE LOVES MY VAG!!

 

On another note, it came to my attention that I was out of vodka this week. I invited someone over for a drink (got shot down, btw) and realized that I had no vodka.

And I fixed that. Just so you all know.

 

Annnnnnnnnnnd in other news, I’m going to Germany. Anyone gonna be there in mid-Sept??

 

Weekend Bests

It was one of those good, plain fun weekends. Thought I’d share a few of the “Bests” …

Best Picture:  A text message pic I got from MindyMom showing her, Danielle and T all together smiling at me from Min’s phone.  DAMMIT I WAS SO JEALOUS. You know what would have made that pic even Best-ier? Me in it.

———————————

Best Kid Moment: Emilee was playing on her DS when all of a sudden I hear …

“What the HELL!” from her.

“Hey!” I said, while I stared at her. She turned to look at me and said,

“Oh. I forgot you were here.”

Um …

———————————

Best Food: Thick cut juicy cooked to perfection … Bacon.

———————————

Best Pick-Up Line: “Hi! Are you from Tennessee?” an eligible man asked me.

“No, I’m from here,” I tell him, smiling.

“Well, you’re the only ten I see!” he said.

*Blink*

———————————

Best Martini: Strawberry Fizz. MMMMMMMMMM ….

———————————

Best Text Message:

RE: Be sure to let people know that you had that thing inspected for black mold before you let anyone in.

QT: What thing?

RE: Your moist Vag.

*BLINK*

———————————

Best Driving Moment: The dude next to me in the ‘Smart Car’ checking me out.

Um. Are you not aware of that universal law that people in smart cars look stupid?

———————————

Best Phone Call: My  hour-long chat with MindyMom.

———————————

Best Thought: I don’t get drunk. I get awesome.

 

Aaaaaaaaand that about covers it. Tell me some of your bests.

Blowholes and Movie Stars, Airport Friends and San Fran

In the land of QT, when there are many drinks being consumed, QT makes herself some notes in her phone to remember things to blog about. Because of course, drinking like I’m homeless does sometimes affect my memory. So I opened my Memo’s this morning and found this:

1) Blowholes?

I stared for a minute at this truly trying to remember what the hell I was trying to remember, when it hit me. Blowholes! So in San Francisco, someone was telling me a story about a man dying by falling into a blowhole. I kinda looked around at the others at the table, cuz really, in my head, all I can think of is … a blowhole? As in, on a whale??

And I’m thinking he fell into a whale’s blowhole? WTF how does something like that even happen?!

I knew, even in the middle of the 29 drinks I had, that my thinking was incorrect but … still I was hesitant to say something, he seemed so sad and so sure of what happened.

See I don’t live near an ocean, I’ve never lived near an ocean, I don’t get … ocean things.  I just knew that my imagery of a man falling into a whale’s blowhole was probably incorrect. I also knew that laughing (because honestly, that image in my own head kinda made me want to giggle) was the wrong way to react as well. So instead I just kept my mouth shut and looked sad too.

And that is how it works in QT land.

——————————————-

While in San Francisco, I was waiting for the elevator with some friends when I look at a man standing in front of us and realize …

*HOLY SHIT*

IT’S THIS GUY:

Hooteriphic, I Can Be Such a Chick, Lactose Intolerance and Other Randomness

1) I must thank a new(er) friend for introducing me to the term, “HOOTERIPHIC!” See, when you walk up the steps to say hi to her and she immediately yells that out? I figure my boobs just got the verbal equivalent of a thumbs up.

2) I was in an interesting situation this past Friday night. One that upset me to the point of crying about it on Saturday morning. Does anyone else become emotional (like spewing tears) when they are sleep-deprived? GOD, I hate that about me. I can be such a … girl at times like that. Blech.

3) I find it hilarious to hear two grown men talk … delicately to each other about certain things. I overheard the conversation of  one saying to another, “I can be … lactose intolerant.”

Which basically means he either farts up a shit-storm or shits his pants.

The other responded with “Yes, I have some of those issues myself.”

Which basically means he too, either farts up a shit-storm or shits his pants.

New(er) friend and I stared at each other before busting out laughing at the … delicacy of the shit-storms.

4) Yet another night this past weekend, a friend of mine looked around frantically and yelled, “Where’s the phone charger?! I need to take it to the bathroom!”

*Blink*

Well, okay then.

5) So while we all know how much I enjoy the Irish accent, there is a man I met recently who has an English accent. And let me just say … Mmmmmmmmm Hmmmmmmmm.

6) I thought Random Esquire broke up with me. Then I got this text:

“Miss you! Love you! Kiss you! Hug You!

Cop a Feel “

AWH! How sweet!

7) I’m off to San Francisco this week my friends, I may be blogging a bit … maybe some fun pics. Maybe some fun beer. Maybe some fun QT. Maybe Maybe Maybe.

8 ) I think it’s important that you all know, a girl I know on Facebook posted about how she sprained her toe, and I didn’t comment on how I hope it wasn’t her camel toe, because I’m an adult.

*Laugh*

Have a great week my friends!