Ya Know What?

1)  Emilee is turning NINE next month. NINE. This will be her last year in the single digits, EVER. That’s a big deal to me. SNIFF.

2) Heading to Manhattan at the end of January. Drinking it up New York style, my friends!

3) My favorite FB status this week: “Sorry about all the typos lately, gays.” <– LOVE LOVE LOVE! I literally, laugh out loud when I think of this.

4) Thinks it’s important that you know that my two car vagina is not filled with cobwebs at the moment. Much to Random Esquire’s dismay. Cuz My Cookie loves my vag to be all cobwebby.

5) This past weekend, while laying in bed with Mr. Sticks, I asked him a question that I think he may have answered in a … sexist way.

His response to me, well, let’s just say that I did the *BLINK* for a second before laughing. A lot.

“I’m not sexist! Being sexist is wrong and being wrong is for women.”

Um … HAHAHHAHA

6) Today we had our weekly team meeting. Upon arriving at the meeting room (the table in the room where I sit) I am greeted by The Boobs in this manner:

“Don’t sit there!” as I go to sit in a certain comfey seat. This was said with such urgency I kind of did that half-sitting yet half-halting myself FROM sitting sweet move.

“OMG, why, what happened?” I asked, as I managed to right myself into a standing position.

“Nothing,” says Twitch as he manhandles me out-of-the-way. “I want to sit here.”

*BLINK*

7) Em looked super cute the other night when she had … I dunno, something cute going on.

“Em!” I said, “Let me take your picture! You look too cute.”

“Sorry,” she tells me. “No flash photography.”

*BLINK*

8 ) I think Mr. Sticks and I have hit a relationship first. For me, anyway. Kind of. Sort of. He started it!

I was using the bathroom at his house the other day, like LITERALLY sitting there peeing when he just walked in. On me. On me PEEING. In the bathroom. I must have stared at him in utter shock because he grinned and said, “Babe. We’re there.”

Um … okay. But then I couldn’t finish peeing while he stood there shaving. And he knew I was having a hard time because he goes, “Want me to run the water?”

Ugh. So embarrassing. I haven’t peed in front of someone since I was married! *Laugh*

 

By the way, that’s MY hand in that picture up there. HAHAHA Taken by the famous RE(tard). 

And Life Moves On …

I would love to sit here and tell you just how hectic things have been for me lately, just how busy I’ve been. Yet in honesty, I can’t say that. Things have been the same, even when you don’t want them to be.

I’ve had a hard time with my blog lately, truth be told. There is so much I want to say, and probably for the first time ever, I’m having a hard time getting the words to the screen.

What things are doing is changing. Lots and lots of changes for me. I’ve come to realize that during the illness followed by the quick death of my BIL that some things you are so utterly certain of … become not so certain. Some things you feel about people change in a heartbeat. Some things you think you know, you really just don’t know, ya know?

I was certain that when my BIL passed away, that my brother would call my sister.

He never did.

I was certain that my sister would have a hell of a time paying for the funeral/memorial for my BIL, and I worked hard to see what I could do to help her with that cost.

To our utter shock, BIL’s boss and company paid for everything. 

I was certain that some people in my life would be there for me, just to give me a hug or ask how things were going or hell, how my sister was doing. To buy me a drink, to offer some type of support.

They weren’t.

I was certain that some people in my life would not be there for me, just to give me a hug or ask how things were going or hell, how my sister was doing. To buy me a drink, to offer some type of support.

They were.

I was certain that friends I made long ago were just that … long ago.

Until we received flowers/donations/support from friends we (I) hadn’t seen in over 10 years.

 

And life moves on my readers. Christmas is coming, a time for family and loved ones.  And for me it moves on with this one thought:

Tomorrow is not a promise, only a hope. So live for today, and live the hell out of it.

 

 

Sisters

I, like so many others out there, have a sister.

We aren’t the closest of sisters, we aren’t the best of friends.

Yet she is my sister, she is my family. We are there for each other. Always.

This past Friday, I was standing next to my sister in support when I was lucky enough to witness one of the most beautiful, the most endearing, the most precious and the most heartbreaking moment I’ve ever seen.

My sister, at that moment, laid her head on her husband’s chest, in his nook really …

… and his heart stopped beating a few short minutes later.

The Pigeon and The Statue

Once upon a time in a land further north, I wrote this post:

The Pigeon and The Statue

I would say I suppose, that it still holds true for most relationships.

Unless in that so-called relationship, you become nothing but the statue to the other person. And that my friends, is when it becomes time to …

*Laugh*

That’s the thing, to what? To become someone else’s statue?

You tell me … finish this for me. I need to hear something other than my own thoughts.

 

Some of ‘Dis, Some of ‘Dat

1) I’ve been in a bit of a blogging-funk lately, I haven’t known what to say, really. The thing is, there is SO much to say that I haven’t said anything. How’s that for a kick in the ass?

2) This past weekend, I had a class reunion – sort of. It was a grade school reunion. Which was interesting, because as you may remember I did date someone from grade school about a year ago (McP). I was happy to see him show up however, as I did try to remain friendly with him. Thankfully it wasn’t awkward, until I stared at him remembering how he was the single worst sexual experience I’ve ever had. Yeah that made it a bit awkward. Then I remembered that HE doesn’t know I think that, so we were back to good.

3) I went to a wedding with my ShaNaNa. I was her date. On the way there, I remembered that I had forgotten to put on deodorant. When I was like “Dude! Dammit! I forgot deodorant!” I got the “How can you forget that?” question back. It’s a good question isn’t it? Typically I like to get dressed first and THEN put my deodorant on – as to avoid the white marks on any of my clothes. And as I was wearing a black dress that evening, I definitely didn’t want any of the marks. Regardless, when I answered her I was more like “Dude you don’t want a stinky date, let’s get me some.”

I think that’s a good answer to give any date, really. I mean, who wants a stinky date? Not I.

4) When my mom called me this morning, she informed me that she loves me.

Pretty much I thought she was calling just to tell me she loves me. So when I told her I loved her too, and that I’d see her for dinner tonight (as we had dinner plans), she then cancelled.

And then said, “But at least you know I love you.”

*Laugh* Thanks mommy. That made it better.

5) Googlie, Twitch and I have been working together for over five years now. When I mentioned this to them in our afternoon chat the other day, I said it was like a Boob Anniversary.

They looked at each other and asked why.

I said, “I dunno, you guys mean as much to me as my own boobs do.”

Twitch grinned and said, “Awwwwwwww.”

I know, right? I’m sweet.

6) Okay hot off the presses, it is true. Random Esquire and I?

We are friends. Good friends. But we do not have the sex.

A lot.  HAHAHAHHA

Okay okay, nothing is going on. We tease, we have fun, we confide in each other. Yes I get flowers from my Cookie, and yes we make incredibly good bloggie buddies, but we do not have the sex.

A lot.

7) Last week, I was sitting with The Boobs when Twitch said, “In hindsight, allowing girls into our treehouse would have been a great idea.”

*Laugh*

Seriously good point!

8 ) And now I’ll leave you all with a wise word from QT: If they EVER put a DUI checkpoint at a Taco Bell drive-thru, it’s safe to say we’re all screwed.

The “Oh Shit” Moments

I sort of love the Oh Shit Moments in life. There are all kinds of these moments really, if you think about it.

Let’s see here …

1) The exact moment in time when you realize … this just is never going to work.

Oh Shit. To follow by the ever popular …

DAMMIT!

2) ”Hey!” says odd random man to me, “Want to give me your phone number?”

Oh Shit. 

“Um. No, I’m good,” says QT.

3) Upon seeing the Janitor enter my work area, I sometimes see the gleam in Twitch and Googlie’s eyes … and I can’t help but think …

Oh Shit.

4) Seeing the text messages I’ve sent after consuming copious amounts of alcohol.

Oh Shit! To follow by the ever popular …

*Hysterical Laughter*

Conversations with Emilee

Oh Emilee … Where is it you get these things from?

———————————————————

“Why do I have to wear underwear?” Em asks me after her shower.

“Um. Well … okay, so you don’t want to wear underwear or what?” I asked her, confused as to where this is coming from. And, quite honestly, I’m not so sure what to tell her.

I mean, why does she have to wear undies?

“Not really,” she says.

“Well I think it’s to protect yourself, from pants and jeans and stuff. Could be uncomfortable without any undies on,” I tell her.

“Doesn’t seem to bother you,” she said.

Um. Clearly I need to dress in private.

———————————————————

“Mom, were you bullied when you were a kid?” she asks me.

“A bit,” I tell her. “There were some girls in 8th grade that use to enjoy making fun of me because I had no nothing to fill my bra.”

“Wait. Your bra was empty?” she asks.

“Well, not empty empty but you know, I wasn’t fully developed yet,” I answer.

She stared at my boobs for a minute …

“Wow! We should go find those girls so they can see you now!” she says.

———————————————————

“Mom I made you coffee!” she tells me one morning, after she woke me up by lifting up one eyelid.

“Mmmmmmmm okay thank you, honey,” I tell her.

“After you’ve had some of it, let me know, so then I can tell you about the thing I did that will make you mad.”

Well. Okay then.

———————————————————

“Emilee! What is this all about?” I said, pointing at something her teacher sent home from school.

“Oh. Well I keep forgetting to raise my hand in school,” she said.

“It says here you are disrupting class! Em! That’s not good!” I say.

“Ma-OM! I’m not disrupting class! I’m just making the other kids laugh. Laughing is a GOOD thing.”

*Sigh*

———————————————————

Em, The Fiancée and I were having dinner the other night, when Em says, “You know so and so? He reminds me of The Fiance,” as she points at him.

“So and So does? The one is your class?” I ask.

“Yeah!” she says.

“How come?” I ask.

“Well he’s kinda short and everyone picks on him, but really, he can’t help it he’s short and stuff,” she says.

WTF! *Laugh*

———————————————————

“I burped and farted at the same time!” Em tells us.

“That’s exciting,” I tell her.

“Do you know what that’s called?” she asks me, all excited.

“No,” I tell her.

“It’s a wormburner!” she says.

See? You learn something new everyday.

———————————————————

“Mom, would say I’m …. clever?” Em asks.

“I would indeed,” I answer her.

“Yes, I would too,” she said. “You know why?”

“Why?” I ask her.

“Cuz I get away with stuff you don’t even KNOW about!” she grins.

———————————————————

100 Days, Jamaica, Odds and Ends

1) Like most kids, Em comes home every day with mountains of things she worked on at school. Math, Spelling, Art, Science, etc. You guys know how it is. Each day I empty her folder and add her school work to a large book I keep every year of her work. When Emilee celebrated her 100th day at school this year, they had all kinds of fun things to do during the day. One of them was this …

I stared at this and had to laugh. My kid rocks. Now if you look closely, you can see a picture in the background of a girl. When I asked her about this, she said, “It’s my ghost.”

Dudes. *Laugh*

2) Tomorrow morning The Fiancée and I are flying off to JAMAICA. JAMAICA! For a WEEK. One week – no kids (it’s an adult-only resort), nothing but relaxing on the beach staring into the ocean with a DRINK IN OUR HANDS. Damn people, I’m so freaking excited … I can’t wait.  Not to mention, there is just something entirely sexy about the whole Jamaica thing to me as well. Which I plan on taking full advantage of … wink wink, nudge nudge.

3) Last night, Em, my parents and myself were out to dinner. She ordered her dinner of chicken wings, a drink, a side of apple sauce and …

Bacon.

The waitress looked at her and said, “Did you say bacon?”

“Yep!”

Damn right she did.

4) My last post … about farting … seemed to cause a bit of a stir. A discussion followed that post, at the office of one Random Esquire.  Apparently, most of the women in the office chose the vomiting over the farting.

I had to laugh when RE seemed genuinely confused by this. I mean, a true genuine confusion, which is something I just rarely see in my Cookie.

I have to admit, I found some perverse pleasure in that as well.

5) Um. JAMAICA!  WOOT!

Have a great week my friends! I plan to blog while I’m there … with PICTURES.

Smoochies!

 

 

The Fiancée + QT + Emilee = Family

It has come to my immediate attention recently, that in the years since my divorce … I’ve never really shared Emilee. With anyone – other than her father.

Admittedly, I learned a big lesson at one point in my life, post-divorce and pre-Fiancée - and I stuck to it for a long time. No one I dated met Emilee. Period.

Yesterday, while driving home from visiting The Fiancée’s sister, Em pipes up from the backseat.

“Mom?” she asks.

“Yeah hon,” I say.

“I love you,” she told me.

“I love you too sweetheart,” I tell her.

And then …

“Fiancée?”  she asks him.

“What’s up kiddo?” he asks her.

“I love you, too,” she says.

He grins wide and looks at her in the rear view mirror and says, “I love you too, kid.”

*BLINK* *BLINK* *BLINK*

Uh, what the FROCK IS GOING ON HERE, may I just ask? I admit it, I had a moment of pure … I don’t even know the word. Pure … shock, maybe? Panic? It’s like, after six years now, all of a sudden I have a … family again.

Some of ‘Dis, Some of ‘Dat

1) Check out my new banner *QT Pointing Up* See the new banner?

“The Frolics of a Flirty, 30-Something Engaged Mama”

Cuz you know, I’m engaged. HEHEHEHE

Do you see that she has a fabulous rock under her martini glass?! LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT!

A very special and very heartfelt THANK YOU to Cin for always being my own SPECIAL graphic artist, because you rock girlie. I’m so buying you a drink in Vegas!

2) Okay let’s get serious here for a second. Amongst all the good news I’ve had for myself, I was so so SO very sad to read about CaNook’s mom passing away. You may know him as Canadian Bald Guy. You know, there are some … well, what I like to think of as “Regulars”.

Every now and again we get some new bloggers, and they are all gung-ho about blogging, then the thrill of it dies away after a few months and their blogs are abandoned, and we never hear from them again. I’ve been surprised at that, actually. I’ve warned a few about that as a matter of fact.

But we do have our regulars – T and her Mind-Is-Always-Busy blog, Cookie and the Smart-Ass-From-Uranus blog, Sunshine and her Shoulder blog, David from Dad’s House (who I think is mad at me), Danielle and her life with Toots, of course we had Depot Dad, Jim Everson, who I’ll forever remember. And miss.  MindyMom and her non-existent blog (GRUMBLE) … and of course, my (well ok, Sunshine’s really) CaNook.

And in my humble opinion, when one of the regulars hurts, we all hurt. CaNook, amongst my fabulous news you were dealing with terrible news, but know that I was thinking of you and your family every day. I can not put into words just how much I hurt for you, because I know how much you loved your mommy. I hope sleep comes peacefully for you babes, and that you know your mom is your angel now.