I would love to sit here and tell you just how hectic things have been for me lately, just how busy I’ve been. Yet in honesty, I can’t say that. Things have been the same, even when you don’t want them to be.
I’ve had a hard time with my blog lately, truth be told. There is so much I want to say, and probably for the first time ever, I’m having a hard time getting the words to the screen.
What things are doing is changing. Lots and lots of changes for me. I’ve come to realize that during the illness followed by the quick death of my BIL that some things you are so utterly certain of … become not so certain. Some things you feel about people change in a heartbeat. Some things you think you know, you really just don’t know, ya know?
I was certain that when my BIL passed away, that my brother would call my sister.
He never did.
I was certain that my sister would have a hell of a time paying for the funeral/memorial for my BIL, and I worked hard to see what I could do to help her with that cost.
To our utter shock, BIL’s boss and company paid for everything.
I was certain that some people in my life would be there for me, just to give me a hug or ask how things were going or hell, how my sister was doing. To buy me a drink, to offer some type of support.
They weren’t.
I was certain that some people in my life would not be there for me, just to give me a hug or ask how things were going or hell, how my sister was doing. To buy me a drink, to offer some type of support.
They were.
I was certain that friends I made long ago were just that … long ago.
Until we received flowers/donations/support from friends we (I) hadn’t seen in over 10 years.
And life moves on my readers. Christmas is coming, a time for family and loved ones. And for me it moves on with this one thought:
Tomorrow is not a promise, only a hope. So live for today, and live the hell out of it.
I am so glad to see you write. The words will come when ready and we’ll be here, ready to read.
I don’t know what to say about your brother not calling your sister. My jaw dropped a little there.
And if you tell me who your BIL’s boss/company is, I will use them, if I can. That is just…stunning and amazing.
All the love I can give,
-R.
I hear ya, my friend. December has been a tough month for me. Wish we lived closer so we could have those drinks, hugs and support each other in person but for now phone calls, texts and cyber hugs will have to do. I’m always here for you. Love you.
This post gave me chills, QT, for several reasons. 1 – you, my dear, are so strong and resilient and honest and absolutely capture what you are going through in the perfectly worded post. 2- I am so sorry that you’ve been let down by those in your lives you weren’t expecting. That is, beyond words. Especially about your brother. Wow. 3 – I echo RE…that is SOME amazing company/boss. I am floored and inspired by the generosity. Sending you a huge hug from afar. To you and your family. XOXO
My dear QT,
It’s amazing to see, in times of hardship, to whom you really mean a lot. I’ve lost some dear people this year as well (although it can’t be compared to what you and your family have gone through) and it does hurt to come to the realization that those people you thought you could count on, eyes closed, are not there. But it brings a rush of relief and freshness to see that those you hadn’t thought of, keep you in their memories. Those are the things we have to look at. We can’t dwell on the negative things, for they are not worth it. They hurt the most, though.
I don’t know about your family situation but wow, I’m speechless about your brother. I have no siblings but I can’t think of one thing that would make me not call my sister/brother when they are going through something like this. And I echo everybody else’s sentiments on your BIL’s company: they are one of a kind.
Tons of hugs for you dear, I hope you have a warm and peaceful Christmas. Oh, I thought about this saying while reading your post and thought you might like it: “Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. But today is a gift: that’s why it’s called a present.” <3
A friend if mine is also a reader if your blog and just yesterday we were joking around about two car vag’s and thinking if you!
Once again, I am very sorry for your loss. I hope the holidays are full of love and joy, bacon and vodka, friends and cute boys to help you get through it all.
Isn’t it crazy how things work out? We never really “know” anything do we? That is fun, sad, awesome and terrifying all at the same time. But at least there are no boring days.
My heart is with you, QT chica, my dear. Hugs too. Big ones. Love you.
Disy is spot on with her quote (one of my faves). All we have is today, and maybe not even the whole day at that. We get no guarantees on anything, so love deeply the people who matter and don’t worry about the rest.
I lost my partner earlier this year, and it was people like you that have helped me get through this. It was also surprising, as you said, who was there and who wasn’t. You are doing a great thing by being there for your sister. Hugs for both of you, and please know it does get easier with time
I’ve been thinking about you QT. I wish I lived closer, but know that you and your family are in my prayers. I hope that you have a love filled holiday season. I really liked what Angel had to say…made me think some.
xoxox <3 to you!!
I’m at a loss for words as well. Sadly, I hear you on much of what you said here. Things are not always what they seem. <- And that could go BOTH ways!
This post gave me a huge lump in my throat.
Know that you and yours are in my thoughts and prayers. Much love… as always.
It is easier to put your heart onto the page… my BIL passed in March, unexpectedly at the age of 52. This left my sister all alone in San Diego. I flew out right away to be there and his company too paid for the memorial service. ( We may have more in common than I realized ) I am back to blogging after a two year break.. why I stopped I am not sure… but now I have to play catch up… hold onto your words they will help you smile again….