Oh Emilee … Where is it you get these things from?
“Why do I have to wear underwear?” Em asks me after her shower.
“Um. Well … okay, so you don’t want to wear underwear or what?” I asked her, confused as to where this is coming from. And, quite honestly, I’m not so sure what to tell her.
I mean, why does she have to wear undies?
“Not really,” she says.
“Well I think it’s to protect yourself, from pants and jeans and stuff. Could be uncomfortable without any undies on,” I tell her.
“Doesn’t seem to bother you,” she said.
Um. Clearly I need to dress in private.
“Mom, were you bullied when you were a kid?” she asks me.
“A bit,” I tell her. “There were some girls in 8th grade that use to enjoy making fun of me because I had no nothing to fill my bra.”
“Wait. Your bra was empty?” she asks.
“Well, not empty empty but you know, I wasn’t fully developed yet,” I answer.
She stared at my boobs for a minute …
“Wow! We should go find those girls so they can see you now!” she says.
“Mom I made you coffee!” she tells me one morning, after she woke me up by lifting up one eyelid.
“Mmmmmmmm okay thank you, honey,” I tell her.
“After you’ve had some of it, let me know, so then I can tell you about the thing I did that will make you mad.”
Well. Okay then.
“Emilee! What is this all about?” I said, pointing at something her teacher sent home from school.
“Oh. Well I keep forgetting to raise my hand in school,” she said.
“It says here you are disrupting class! Em! That’s not good!” I say.
“Ma-OM! I’m not disrupting class! I’m just making the other kids laugh. Laughing is a GOOD thing.”
Em, The Fiancée and I were having dinner the other night, when Em says, “You know so and so? He reminds me of The Fiance,” as she points at him.
“So and So does? The one is your class?” I ask.
“Yeah!” she says.
“How come?” I ask.
“Well he’s kinda short and everyone picks on him, but really, he can’t help it he’s short and stuff,” she says.
“I burped and farted at the same time!” Em tells us.
“That’s exciting,” I tell her.
“Do you know what that’s called?” she asks me, all excited.
“No,” I tell her.
“It’s a wormburner!” she says.
See? You learn something new everyday.
“Mom, would say I’m …. clever?” Em asks.
“I would indeed,” I answer her.
“Yes, I would too,” she said. “You know why?”
“Why?” I ask her.
“Cuz I get away with stuff you don’t even KNOW about!” she grins.