In a recent conversation with a friend of mine, we were speaking of relationships, past and present, and what we are looking for now versus what we were looking for in our twenties.
And it made me smile. You know, when I married my husband, I did it because I did love him. I loved him as much as a 22-year-old girl can. He was (and still is) a good man, a great father and all around a good guy. I married him believing with my heart and soul that he was my happily ever after. And as we grew up, we grew apart. Combine that with the fact that we had very little chemistry (read: not good for your sex life) and I realize now, with these 37-year-old eyes, that it was doomed. I do believe had the chemistry been there, we’d be together. And happy. But it wasn’t, and I admit to yearning for more. A lot more.
And then I found the Chemistry. (Read: Dick). Oh boy did I find some chemistry. And when I found that chemistry, I realized all the things that had been missing in my marriage. Or so I thought. Because even though I found that chemistry, there was still no happily ever after. Like, at all. *Eye Roll* I wanted there to be, I worked for there to be, but alas, no one can have happily ever after with a complete knob.
I think, when I was younger, I wanted that happily ever after. And as I’ve grown up, grown wiser perhaps, I can look at relationships with more practical eyes and know what it is that I’m wanting out of a relationship. Chemistry? Yes, and not only in the bedroom. Happily Ever After? Yes, and not only for me but for Miss Emilee.
So basically, I’m looking for it all. Everything. The whole damn package.
That’s not so much to ask, is it? Really?
[Photo Courtesy of jiggsatworkonnet.blogspot.com]
November 4, 2009 at 3:54 pm
I so completely agree with you. We deserve everything. Expecially (Read: Dick)
November 4, 2009 at 3:57 pm
Uh huh. Exactly. Not so much to ask at all!
And now that you know exactly what you want… now that you’re ready for exactly what you want??
Look out.
November 4, 2009 at 4:46 pm
It is not too much to ask for, not at all.
November 4, 2009 at 5:37 pm
Hey, if you don’t ask, you’ll never get it. Right? So you might as well as for it all!
November 4, 2009 at 5:57 pm
It better not be because it’s what I’m looking for too!
BTW, my marriage and subsequent post-divorce relationship are very similar to what you described.
November 4, 2009 at 5:59 pm
I’ve been learning the importance of practicality. I may be in love with someone but if they are completely unreliable, I know I will be miserable. Stuff like that matters a lot. Or spending habits – might not be romantic but you’re going to have access to the money I earn, I’d like to trust that you aren’t an idiot who hasn’t saved a penny your whole life.
Dude.
I just convinced myself to be single for life.
-R.
November 4, 2009 at 6:02 pm
Well put. We all deserve it all.
November 4, 2009 at 6:10 pm
You DO deserve it all babe. And as T says, now that you’re ready…. watch out!
November 4, 2009 at 7:32 pm
Oh RE,
You convinced yourself a long time ago Cookie. It’s more trying to get you to share your toys that is the problem.
Much love however,
QT
November 4, 2009 at 7:35 pm
You know what I just said to myself when I read that?
“Oh, you Rotten Little Thing.”
-R.
November 4, 2009 at 7:59 pm
That is what you have to look for. do not settle. If they don’t possess everything on ‘your list’ then they are not the right one and move on!!
November 4, 2009 at 8:43 pm
Fabulous sex + love = dream state? Maybe so, but nice dream. ‘They’ say it’s possible… (Who knows.)
November 4, 2009 at 8:46 pm
Hmmm….. I think that the whole package is what is rightly deserved for BOTH of you. And as a mom, isn’t that the example that you want to set for your little girl? Don’t you want to show her to set the bar high and not settle for anything less than what you deserve? Because you are both AWESOME!!!!!!! Good things WILL come to you both. It’s karma, baby! Hugs!
November 5, 2009 at 2:28 pm
Well, there’s a rose in a fisted glove
And the eagle flies with the dove
And if you can’t be with the one you love, honey
Love the one you’re with
November 5, 2009 at 2:29 pm
*Laugh* Very wise advice my good friend.
Sing it to me later again.
November 5, 2009 at 9:56 pm
I’ve had both – the comfortable relationship with little chemistry and the pants on fire relationships that are hot enough to burn the house down. Now 41 and divorced (with one previous broken engagement), I have no idea which is best but like everyone else here, I would love to have both. We should be able to find that, right?
November 9, 2009 at 3:33 pm
Not too much to ask at all.
November 10, 2009 at 6:39 pm
I vote for BOTH!!! Reality has proven otherwise so far but I’m hopeful.
November 12, 2009 at 12:39 am
There are things that we require. And, there are things that we can compromise. The full package consists of both of these.
The ones who ask for both, know that both can exist.
The full package does exist. We just have to do the work to find it.
November 12, 2009 at 1:39 pm
Travis,
From your comment to God’s ears please.
-QT