Anyone who reads my blog with any regularity, knows this will of course, be number one.
1) People Falling Down
My head tells me that when someone falls down in front of me, like if they really bite it …
*excuse me while I take a break as I’m laughing too hard to t y p e*
… A person’s first instinct should be to see if the falling person, is … well, ya know, okay. Are they hurt.
Me? Not so much. I immediately burst into laughter that is so overly uncontrollable that I often get shot dirty looks from others in the vicinity of the person that fell. For example, Jenn. My BFF. She, Random Esquire and myself were walking to a bar one night when Jenn fell down. On the sidewalk. Right in front of me. Her purse went one way, Jenn went … well, just. Down. Now keep in mind that RE and Jenn had JUST met, maybe an hour or so earlier. So Jenn falls, I see her purse fly and I see her go, well. Down. I immediately burst into hysterics, laughing uncontrollably. I then see RE look at me like I’m nuts, so I turned around and ran into a doorway so I could laugh in the corner by myself. Which leaves RE to help Jenn up, to ask if she’s alright, to help her get her purse, rub off the dirt, things like that.
Now doesn’t this just want make you want to be my friend?! HMMM?
2) When my grandma had dementia
See, if I hadn’t laughed at this, I would have cried. A lot. My granny, what a sweet lady. But as she got older, she got more and more well, just … angry. See, the dementia set in and mixed with the anger? Yeah, sometimes she was just not happy. Like the time she wanted to go for a walk. In the middle of winter. Three degrees out. It was snowing. Hard. My mom said no, it was not a good time. Granny? Got angry. Really angry. And proceeded to call the police to report that she was being held hostage. Four screaming police cars and many cops later? It was understood that Granny was in fact safe and sound, with my mom.
Or the other time that we were having corn on the cob, and I see her trying to wrap a piece of sliced cheese around her corn, and I said, “Granny! What are you doing?” She stared at me and said, “Well there’s no God Damned butter on this table! I don’t know what you people do with your butter around here!”
See, this shit is funny. Sad? Yes, that too. But damn funny.
3) Inappropriate Sarcasm
This is probably why I love Twitch and Googlie so much, truth be told. Sometimes, it’s so inappropriate, it’s just … funny. Because typically, it’s offensive. Granted, I’m one of the hardest people I know to offend. Truly, I’m not embarrassed by much and I typically don’t get offended at anything. I digress. Yet when I find it offensive towards someone else? LOVE IT. I laugh and laugh.
Yeah that’s not right. My head knows it, yet my heart loves it.
4) Drunk Texting
I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. I’m Textually Active.
In a major way.
I think, for me, when I’m that far in the bag some deep, primal urge takes over and I am compelled to do inappropriate things. Like texting Random Esquire to mention the fact that I have lots of cleavage showing that evening. Or sending Jane Wonder or T the 3am text to inform them that I have indeed, been drinking somewhat heavily. Or giggling and sending LetEmBreathe a text to inform him I find him fabulous. Is there something about being that drunk gives us license to behave inappropriately and text at all hours of the day?
Yes, yes there is, people! Don’t deny! Don’t hate the texters! Embrace us!
5) Women … When Drinking
Now I’m sure every girl can relate to some of this, perhaps men too, but this list about covers it. It was compiled via email. And I’m sure you’ve read this on the web, regardless, they all remain true!
- Believing that dancing with our arms over our head and wiggling our butts while yelling ”WOO-HOO!” is truly the sexiest dance move around
- When we suddenly decide we want to kick that chick’s ass and honestly believe we could do it, too. For what reason, we don’t know. But we are so going to kick her ass!
- We start crying and tell everyone we see that we love them, sooooooooo much
- When we have no idea whatsoever where our purses are
- We get extremely excited and jump up and down every time a new song plays because, “OH MY GOD!!! I LOVE THIS SONG!!”
- We have found the deep and spiritual side of the weird-o sitting next to us
- The urge to take off articles of clothing, stand on a table and sing or dance becomes strangely overwhelming!
- Our hugs begin to resemble wrestling take down moves
- We take our shoes off because clearly, it’s their fault we are not walking straight
- We’ve suddenly taken up smoking and damn! Are we good at it!
- We drop our 3:00 A.M. Taco Bell on the floor, laugh, pick it up and carry right on eating it
- Quick naps wherever we happen to be standing are perfectly fine. Even if we just sit right on down here …
Of course, boys and girls, feel free to add some of the things that make you laugh about drunk people!
That’s it for now, children. Truly, why do you keep on reading?! Haven’t I scared you people away yet??
[Photo Courtesy of http://www.potthots.com%5D