1) Yesterday, Twitch was late for work. When he came in, he sat down, rolled over to the middle of our area, and had a … I dunno, a look. He then announced, “I’ve been violated.” Googlie and I rolled to the middle area to talk. Twitch announced that he had just had a physical, and he then got quiet. He still had … a look. He turned forty a few weeks back, and apparently when a man turns 40, the yearly physicals now include a prostrate check. Googlie immediately made a sound of horror, and well, I didn’t know how they check the prostrate really, so ya know, I asked. (I mean, okay, how would I know?)
Twitch stared at me and said, “He jellied up his latexed finger and put it far, very far up my ass.”
Okay see, then it was ME that had … a look.
2) As the weather around these here parts is supposed to be rainy this weekend, Make Out Guy, er um, my boyfriend, and myself are having a weekend at home. Together. *giggle*
3) This is my hand:
I know, it’s a shock that my hand is actually holding a drink, but yes yes, I do have drinks every now and again. Also, RE took this picture when I was in Chi-Town. And for some reason, this is RE’s most favorite picture of me. Odd and yet, so not surprising.
4) Make Out Guy, er um, my boyfriend, well it’s his birthday next week. I’m really sort of glad he’s not turning 40 yet (see number 1). I digress. After much discussion with my Cookie which sort of turned into an argument as well, I’ve got the perfect gift for him! I’m excited. Now I just need to figure out a cool way to give it to him. Ideas are welcome. Oh and Cookie and I are no longer arguing, so no one be worried.
5) ShaNaNa drunk texted me last night at 1.10am announcing she was drunk. I rolled over, opened one eye, read that and thought, “Dirty Whore is drunk without me.” PFFFFFFFT. I went back to sleep.
6) This is how Make Out Guy and I decided we were a couple:
See? This is how love works, people!
Clearly I know how to do this properly.
LEARN FROM ME.
7) Twitch just turned around and told me I should get married before I turn into a hunchback. I told him thanks for his wise advice and asked how his asshole was feeling today.
Happy Weekend Friends!
1. Ooo, his poor colita. I doubt he’ll get much sympathy from Besos, though. I check her prostate a few times a week. (buh-dum-bump)
2. DON’T FUCK IT UP.
Okay, so, I so very, very rarely swear – but I had to do something to induce anxiety in you or I wouldn’t be your favorite jerk ever.
3. Is true. I like the others I took of you but that one for its artistic side. Plus, you have nice nails.
4. I love you say we argued. Which consisted of this:
QT: I like this brand of XX.
RE: Really? I don’t like it.
QT: You’re nuts.
I think you mean we disagreed. Mind you, that is rare for us, but you made it sound like we had a row. heh.
5. Eh, better than a dirty drunk being a whore without you.
6. I suggested this method! Maybe we should write a relationship advice column together. What do you think?
7. Dowager!
much love,
-R.
1) I’m not 40 yet, but have had this…uhhh, procedure, don’t far too many times in my life. Once is far too many, for the record…and even that record is broken.
Now, imagine having this “procedure” don’t by your gay male doctor.
Yes, awkward!
3) Why is your drink glass tilted, but the fluid in your glass not level? Drinking molasses?
Why does “done” keep showing up as “don’t”? Silly iPhone.
love #6, clever, yet sophisticated in this society that is so digitalized
and I want to know what you’re getting him for his b-day so I can help you with an idea on how to deliver it
Okay Boogs, you know where to look for the answer to that one.
1. I dunno a thing about twitch, but I’m venturing a guess that THAT procedure was… the best sex he’s ever had!
2. Giggle.
3. Seriously, you have the prettiest, tiniest, girliest hand I’ve ever seen! Your perfectly sculpted hand conjures up images of a pixie, fairy, or other sort of creature of the blushing little flower variety. And you say you’re a bacon-eating whore????
4. The prefect gift, in my opinion, would be to let him… ummm.. check your prostate! Plus, it’d make for an excellent blog post.
5. no comment.
6. MOG is a George Strait fan! I love him already!
7. Like getting married has anything to do with ginormous boobs? wtf.
You are pure evil. I love you. Be mine.
Wingman – Are you kidding me? This is big news and that’s all you’ve got for MOG and I??
CMC – I am a bacon eating whore! Thank you so much, I love you to pieces!
Jillian – Well, ALRIGHT.
1. Seriously? How could you NOT know that? (Ok I guess this means that WAY too many men have told me TMI.)
2. Whee! Perfect snuggle time!
3. Pretty…
4. How can we suggest a gift when we don’t even know him? (In other words, DISH!)
5. I’m glad to know that some people drunk text you. I will have to remember that when I’m drunk next. (whenever THAT will be.)
6. Hope you kept that piece of paper. Hee hee! Love it!
7. By the way, some men LIKE getting their prostate checked. Just sayin’.
@The Wingman – I think I must have tilted the camera because I didn’t crop that picture. It was probably me that was uneven and maybe the tablecloth was just bunched up instead of flat or something. I hadn’t noticed that before but it does sort of look like QT has managed to defy the laws of physics.
-R.
Again. I have defied the laws of physics. AGAIN.
That is a cool pic. Have fun with the boyfriend this weekend, and yes, we DO need more details about the guy.
Hey, I called that. I knew you had to check a box. God I am smart.
Mindymom and I can drunk text you tonight if you would like.
Danielle, you DID call that! My bad for not recognizing you publicly darlin!
Oh how I love this blog…and oh how I’m so very happy to NOT be turning 40 in a couple of weeks.
Tell twitch – at least it wasn’t a catheter someplace else!
#7 made me snort right out loud this morning.
Gawd, how I love you.
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