As Friday night was bringing a date with my Make Out Guy, I received a text from Random Esquire shortly before my guy was due to arrive. Our texts can sometimes turn into long conversations, and of course this one was no different.
Now, to be clear, in case any of you had not realized, RE and I are … friends. Good friends. I consider my Cookie to be one of my best friends actually, and one of my favorite behind the scenes things I love about my Cookie? The non-bullshit clause we have. When I feel RE is being a stupid ass, I can express that. And it usually goes something like this,
“You’re being a stupid asshole.”
And you know, this is usually the point that RE will pause, express love for me, and then ask me to explain, in detail why the term “stupid asshole” is being used. And I will. In detail.
On the other hand, when I’m being … overly feminine, RE can express this to me. And it usually goes something like this,
“You women and your vaginas.”
This usually has no need for explanation.
And so, this past Friday night, all in good fun, RE was texting and asking thousands of questions about Make Out Guy. Some questions that I did not know the answer to, that RE was very insistent upon me finding out. And then I got this.
“You should warn him. You need to warn him that your vagina is the size of a canyon.”
*Blink*
I immediately burst into hysterical laughter and texted back,
“Dude. That’s just wrong, seriously. And so not true by the freaking way!”
So we laugh, back and forth, randomly insulting each others body parts, when I received the following challenge from RE:
“Tell him it’s like tossing a hot dog down the hallway. I’ll buy you K-Cups if you do it.”
All my mind could think of was, free coffee. FREE COFFEE!
So I immediately agreed to say that. I mean, hell, it’s free coffee. For my new coffee maker! Then I thought about just how to throw that phrase into the conversation, while at the same time thinking of the K Cups I already know I want. But then …
*Pause*
I texted RE .. “But, what does that even mean?”
And you know what it means? That my vag is the size of a canyon. That’s exactly what it means. I’m sure all of my smart readers can make the analogy there.
Dammit.
I was stuck, I do not back down from a challenge. And then it was time, Make Out Guy was ringing the doorbell.
To be continued...
Look, if you shout in it and it has an echo, it’s a canyon.
-R.
You’re just so … wrong.
But God I love you.
Well, you’re not alone – turns out more than a few people had never heard that phrase before.
Of course, I would imagine most would ask what it meant before agreeing to describe their vagina as such.
Big love to you, QT.
-R.
Yes well, I do not exactly fit in that *most* category Cookie. You are well aware of this, firsthand even.
Hey. So now that has me thinking you KNEW I’d AGREE because you threw free coffee out there. *Tapping forehead* Uh huh.
I would never!
Well.
Maybe.
LMAO LMAO LMAO
Holy shite!!!
When Roseanne Bar divorced Tom Arnold, she made fun of his tiny dick. Tom publicly responded “Well, even a Boeing 727 looks small when it lands in the Grand Canyon!”
LMAO
yah, i remember those days after Owen was born. I thought sex with ANYBODY would be just like throwing a hotdog down the hall… LMAO.
Ok, I’m dying to hear the rest of this story…
So… I’m curious how often RE tests the echo in your canyon.
Just sayin’.
So glad to get the follow up to RE’s post. Now for the 2nd half; how you used the phrase with MOB…
And did you get your coffee yet?
OMG, people. This is just too much.
And, RE, care to explain how you have expertise in this area (so not referring to QT’s canyon–I mean, noncanyon)?
Hmmmm?????
[...] Because I won the bet about the Hot Dogs and Hallways, I told Cookie that I had better see payment SOON in the form of … well, this: [...]
[...] her so terribly. There was that one time I wrote a poem about her being a whore. And then I may have tried to get her to use the phrase “hotdog down a hallway”. Hrm. But nothing bothers her. She’s impervious to [...]
[...] to me, about me – being a whore. Then we have the fact that RE has declared that I have a canyon-sized vagina, the stabbing story RE came up with when I was visiting, the reason why RE likes to be called Baby [...]