I have to be honest and say that I’ve not been so honest with you all. I’ve been keeping a secret, a sort of big one. It’s going to stay that way (at least for now, sorry loves), but hindsight being the bitch that she is? I am amazed at the absolute, what’s the word here … crap, no … craziness, no … foolishness, yes, but I need a better word … ah!
I am simply amazed at the utter BULLSHIT I can talk myself into believing. And when hindsight rears her ugly head and gives me the good solid swift kick in the ass I need? I sit back and wonder, WTF QT. Pull your head out of your rectum. You deserve so much more than this, and having to ask for it from him, time and again? Is more like pressing the “PUSH HERE TO MAKE ME MORE STUBBORN” button he’s got connected to his forehead.
I needed a clue, I needed a reminder, I think. I needed a reminder that I am worth so much more than what I was getting. I needed a reminder that I am no ones second choice. I needed a reminder that a phone call every now and again is a part of it – a part of building something together. I needed a reminder that better than nothing is not good enough for me. And most importantly? I needed a reminder that I will no longer spend my time on or give my heart to a guy that makes me wonder about his feelings for me.
And then …
I got that reminder in the form of Make Out Guy.
Because now? Now I’m reminded that I am worth something. I am reminded that I am not his second choice. I am reminded how good it feels when he calls simply to ask “How was your day?” And I’m reminded that I don’t question his feelings for me.
I leave you with this, a note from Make Out Guy … because it made me smile and because it’s a perfect ending to this blog entry:
While I don’t know where this is headed, I’m excited to find out.