It has come to my attention in recent months, that to have a “chemistry” with someone, a TRUE chemistry, can be a rare thing. And the more I thought about it, I decided to do a bit of research, because there are many ways to have chemistry with someone, methinks. So let’s start with the most important …
1) Sexual Chemistry
Ooooooo La La. Probably the most popular type of chemistry. It is my opinion that it’s rare to find 100% positive sexual chemistry with someone – in all area’s. I think it can be the difference between mechanical sex and electric sex. Mechanical sex? Stiff, awkward and … freaking uncomfortable. Electric sex? It’s almost effortless. It’s responding to each other’s every sexual desire and whim, perhaps even before the other knows that’s what they want. Maybe it’s Pheromones. I have no clue, but whatever it is? It’s what this mama wants.
2) We-laugh-like-crazy-together chemistry
A sense of humor, at least for most people, is a must! When you find someone you can laugh with, have fun with, giggle at silly stuff together with, it’s so fun! I love that and it definitely makes the relationship that much better.
3) We-have-so-much-in-common chemistry
Finding someone with whom you share common interests is always a plus. Even finding someone with whom you share your NON-interests is a great thing. That way you can both sit around and NOT do them, together!
4) We-are-so-comfortable-together chemistry
Comfort chemistry. I sort of think of this one like the … You’re my best friend chemistry. It’s having that connection on a friendship level, someone you can talk to, be yourself with, be natural with. It’s a true and honest thing to have that with someone, methinks.
So, in a drunken moment for me, while in discussion with another of this very topic, I decided a phone call to Random Esquire was in order. I don’t remember much of that phone call, but I think it may have went something like this:
RE: Hello?
QT: COOKIE! It’s meeeeeeeeeeeeee!
RE: Hello love, what are you up to?
QT: Well, I’m drinking. You’re my dick. I’m drinking though.
RE: *Pause*
QT: I’m calling about chemistry. On a scale from one to ten, do you have chemistry?
RE: Yes. It’s like Beaker’s lab up in here.
QT: SEE! I knew you’d know what I was talking about!
And there we have, a perfect example of the friendship. RE just … ya know, GETS me. I’m a lucky girl.
Any other types of chemistry I’m missing? Do tell.
June 29, 2009 at 3:11 pm
My dearest QT,
I must confess that I never have any idea what you’re talking about. I just simply always agree with you. This is called “playing along” – not chemistry.
-R.
June 29, 2009 at 3:14 pm
My dear Cookie,
*points to heart*
You hurt me. You hurt me right here.
Where our chemistry lives.
Love,
QT
June 29, 2009 at 3:27 pm
Now, in all seriousness and with respect to your entry…I think there is, perhaps, a Respect-chemistry in which both parties understand how to treat the other and keep that respect as sacred.
Maybe I’m just labeling it as a chemistry and it is really something else but I do think this is something about which a couple needs to mesh.
Much love, QT.
-R.
June 29, 2009 at 4:56 pm
Ahhh, chemistry. Yes I agree all types in a relationship would be great – CAN be great – and also that sexual chemistry is hard to find but is an absolute must once you’ve had it you cannot NOT have it. But, I don’t think a realtionship can survive on that alone; the other types must be present too.
I heart you and RE’s chemistry, btw.
June 29, 2009 at 5:01 pm
Mindy, you are SO dead on correct on the sexual chemistry. Once you’ve had it, it’s almost impossible to accept anything else isn’t it? Because anything else is usually something LESS.
RE – Respect is an important factor, absolutely.
June 29, 2009 at 7:14 pm
Lady, I hear you 100%. I want it all. Actually, I must have the sexual and best friend chemistry. Well, also the laughing-like-crazy chemistry, I don’t think I can live without that. I guess I do want it all. I can’t imagine why I’m still single? Hm.
You guys and your chemistry are pretty dang cute your own selves.
June 29, 2009 at 7:25 pm
I love this breakdown. I personally think numbers 1 and 4 are most important. I want electric sex with any woman I date. (I usually get it – if the electricity isn’t there, I won’t date her.) And I want us to be super comfortable in each others presence, so much so we can talk about whatever, and know our partner will love and support us.
I’m less sold on numbers 2 and 3. I don’t need to laugh uncontrollably with my partner. On occasion, sure. But there are plenty of comedy outlets in laugh. Also, I certainly DON’T want to have so much in common with my partner. Especially if she shops for shoes or hits the spa for pedicures. And I don’t need her coming to Raiders games with me. A few things in common will suffice.
Great post!
June 29, 2009 at 8:24 pm
I, too, like this breakdown. Good stuff.
June 29, 2009 at 8:32 pm
Hm. I’ve read Dadshouse’s comment and I agree with him that 1 and 4 are the more important of the four.
While I think many/most people would say that a sense of humor is important, it is true that there are many different outlets to find your guffaws and they may not necessarily be the other person and that may be just fine.
And I think the key to having things in common (and how important that is) is what those things actually are. Like Dadshouse mentioned, I don’t necessarily need to feel like Besos is going to love all (or even most) the activities I do. I like that we enjoy different things and that some of them can be enjoyed together and some apart. The most crucial elements in which to find commonality seem to be (at least for me): the idea of what a relationship is, the values associated with it and how it is expressed. Having said that, I do think that it is important to have activities both people enjoy a lot because it does generate time together. Balance is the key, I suppose.
Man, I sure know how to write a lot and say a little. Just like an attorney. Never use 5 words when 10 will do.
-R.
June 29, 2009 at 9:29 pm
This is a great post. And yeah, sexual chemistry is HUGE in my book too. And comfort. It would be nice to have some things in common but isn’t that what our other friends are for?
Good stuff. And yeah, I think RE plays very well with you.
June 30, 2009 at 5:10 pm
You are so right. Am I greedy if I want them all in one person? *sigh* dare to dream.
July 1, 2009 at 4:35 am
Even though I feel like I should be agreeing that 1 and 4 are the most important, in my past relationships it just hasn’t been that way. I have been in relationships in which, sexual chemistry has been intense, but since we haven’t had much in common the relationship has not worked out. So I guess for me 3 and 4 are the most important. The most important one is definitely 4. It is very important to be with the person you are dating in most settings, and feel very comfortable and welcome. If you don’t then it will take it’s toll on the relationship.
So yeah,great post QT, lots of good stuff to think about
gracias!
July 3, 2009 at 3:46 am
I agree that 1 and 4 are a must. The best is when someone told me I am just comfortable hanging with you and laying on the sofa watching movies. That works! I also think 2 is important. A good sense of humor will go a long way in a relationship. If she can’t laugh, and be goofy sometimes, it will get boring in a hurry. As far as 3, nice to have, but I have had the most interesting and fun times with people that I have nothing in common with. Great way to try and experience new stuff
July 4, 2009 at 5:37 am
I like this post. Good capturing of the different kinds of chemistry. To find them all in one person or most of them? You then only *hope* that it really works.
Oh, and my discovery of sexual chemistry? Yeeeeaaaaah. Priceless.
July 5, 2009 at 7:55 pm
I feel kinda guilty because I truly feel right now that I share ALL of those “chemistry qualities” with Sunshine.
I guess I’ve found that ‘rare thing’. It’s a good feeling.
July 6, 2009 at 1:49 am
I too have found ALL of these qualities in my new special someone…only…he’s scared. WTF? *sigh*
July 7, 2009 at 9:38 pm
Great post. I would like all of those (just a little greedy), but I agree that #1 & 4 are the most important to me. Sadly, I’ve found #4 with a guy friend, but I am so not attracted to him in the least. Oh well, I can always use another friend.