An oldie revisited here.
I’ve read many a blog posting regarding the use of condoms, having safe sex, what kind of condoms are your favorite, safe oral sex, etc. Hell, I even won a package of condoms from Single Mom Seeking in response to a post she did on this very topic! They were even mailed to me in a discreet envelope. T is a very sexual woman, something she blogs openly about (which I admire), where I sort of tend to run around the subject most of the time.
Interesting topics on this very discussion are always had by Dad’s House as well. David is a big advocate of the safe sex, and by far, so is everyone else. However, this did get me to thinking as it recently dawned on me …
I was with the same man for well over 12 years. Ten of those years being married to him, two in the dating and engagement stage. After the divorce and taking some time for myself, dating wasn’t really the issue. It was the whole sex thing. I am a bit of an old-fashioned girl, I admit. I like the chivalry in men I date, I like the door opening, hand holding, giving of flowers, offering up of your seats … in fact, I like it a lot. I find this to be something that can and will get my hormones jumping. So if I find that in a man, and I like that man for who he is, and it actually gets to the stage of us having sex, and then let’s just say we make the decision that it’s ONLY us having sex, and BAM, I’m in a relationship? My question becomes … When does the safe sex become the safe sex?
Clearly I’ve had unprotected sex, as my little girl is the proof of that. It was however, with my husband. I fully admit to having the unprotected sex with Dick as well. And last year, at my OB/GYN appointment, after the “procedure” was over, she looked at me thoughtfully and asked “When was the last time you had a full STD workup?” and I have to say, I was caught a bit off-guard by that. Having just had the pap done, I admit I panicked a bit and asked her if she saw something she didn’t think was right, to which she smiled and said “You’re a 35 year old single mother, I assume you’re having sex, correct?” At that point, my sex life was at a negative zero but I was uncomfortable admitting that I was pretty sure my hymen had magically reappeared from lack of sex so I mumbled a “Well, yeah, sure!” and she said it was time for the STD tests. I had blood drawn, another pap like test and off the samples went. After a week of waiting, I was giving a clean bill of health. So then I knew, I was squeaky clean.
That still doesn’t change the fact that I’m not in a monogamous relationship. The closest I’ve come to the Big R word with anyone is Irishman. And unprotected sex with him was simply, not happening. But I admit, one day, if I get into that monogamous relationship again? I’d like to have the option of being free and clear, of not using condoms and knowing it’s okay. Which brings me full circle here – the results of my STD tests, AND, my final question. How is it discussed between two people who decide to be monogamous? I mean, is it a “Hey lookie here babe, I’m CLEAN! See?” or “I’d like to not use a condom tonight, can I see your latest STD results please?” or maybe a “Have you had that thing checked out lately?”
Have you had this discussion? Who brought it up? Did you get tested together, perhaps? Basically, what think you, people?