QT + Normal? Naaaah

So, as some (most?) of you of who read my blog ARE bloggers, you know that behind the scenes, in real life, some of us are friends.  I’m pretty damn sure you know that Random Esquire and I are buds (and if you don’t, what the frock?).  I’m sure you know that Jane Wonder and I are friends as well.  But this can be a … sensitive thing.  Some people may not be all that comfortable with becoming IRL friends, and I am aware of this.  I also know, that there is someone out there in blogging land that I’m broaching that comfortable-ness with and yesterday, I had decided I wanted her phone number.  I wanted to talk to her, person to person, errr, okay voice to voice, over the phone.  So, I sent this note:

<insert name here>!  <insert name here>!  <insert name here>!  <insert name here>!!

Can I have your phone number?  Here are things I’m good for when I have your phone number:

Sober things:

• I never forward stupid text message jokes
• I will give a random phone call
• I will never call and ask if your fridge is running
• I will never give your number to a random dude
• I will text often just to see how you are

Drunk things:

• I will, however, drunk text late into the night because well, it’s important to me when I’ve been drinking
• I will share with you pictures of men I think are hot when I’m drunk.  (Warning: I do tend to suffer from beer goggles from time to time)
• I will think myself hilarious when drunk and you may not find it so funny
• I will find it important to tell you that I believe dancing with my arms overhead and wiggling my butt while yelling “WOO HOO” is truly the sexiest dance move around
• I may possibly start crying while proclaiming my love for you
• Pictures taken via phone may inadvertently be sent to your phone followed the next day by an apology
• Secrets that I vow to keep to myself (about myself) will probably be shared

Hmmmm …..

That about covers it. 

Love,

QT

———————————————

And guess what?  She said yes!

She knows who she is, so I’ll let her out herself if she wishes or we can keep it our little secret.  MWAH!

Weird Thing of the Week

This was actually a week where I have to actually decide which Weird Thing to use!  But, since I seem to have so many fun adventures at the grocery store, let’s stick with that theme.

Have I ever mentioned I loathe grocery shopping?  It’s probably the one thing I miss about my ex-husband the most.  I use to send him.  Ah well, the joys of single mama (and person) hood.  Anyway, Em needs food and I had to go.  I had put it off as long as possible so this past Monday (yes I grocery shopped on Memorial Day!) I hit the grocery store.  Now at my grocery store the carts are located in a separate room before walking into the actual store; and the store provides the antibacterial wipes for each person, to wipe the grocery cart down before using it.  I typically use these as find them quite handy.

This past Monday, I walk in to the cart room and see an *ahem* older woman, (read: Old Lady), yelling and actually smacking the antibacterial wipes. Like, she was hitting the plastic canister they come in.   I immediately let out a sigh, and rolled my eyes. (Have I mentioned how I detest grocery shopping?)  I grab my cart and am about to walk into the store when the Crabby Old Lady is just bitching up a storm, hits the canister yet one more time, except this time she hits it so hard that the red lid flies off, and lands where?

Jerk Nails and A Story

One of the biggest search terms that brings people to my blog?  Jerk Nails.  Can someone please enlighten me?  What exactly are jerk nails?

Here is the scoop on the two white roses from yesterday’s post.  A bit before leaving for Orlando, I had a talk with McP.  It seems to me that while we enjoy each others company (and I could stare at his lips forever, because if I hadn’t mentioned it? The dude has great lips!) um, where was I?  Oh yes.  That it seems to me that we aren’t exactly looking for the same thing right now.  The timing is off.  And as I’ve said before, it’s all about the timing!  So he admitted to not knowing what he was looking for, I admitted to knowing exactly what I’m looking for and then, I sort of wished him luck and said I hoped that he did in fact, find what it was he was looking for.   And that, or so I thought, was that.

Don’t Give Up On Me!

I’m here! Look, I’m here!  (And not kidnapped, Depot Dad!)

I know, forgive me. I took a break. And I’ve missed my blogging, let me tell you. But I must say, after being in Orlando for almost a week, I devoted my attention to Emilee upon returning home.   Add some laundry, lawn mowing, McP and house cleaning in there for good measure. 

First things first, because I can’t help but think this is damn cool, I have officially been voted a “Hot Mama“.  LOOK:

I must send out a very large, very happy, very heartfelt thank you to all who threw a vote in there for me.  How freaking fabulous are you guys?  Thank you!  MUAH!

I’m Sleeping With A Woman

Well friends, it’s come to my attention that in my quest for the perfect guy – FAIL -  has been SUCH a fail that at this point, I’m laying in bed, with a woman.  We have been having naked tickle fights, lingerie pillow fights and of course, snuggling while we sleep.

Heh.

Truth be told, I’m in sunny (and somewhat rainy) Orlando for a conference.  My friend Sunburn flew into town to hang out at my resortwhile I’m at the conference.  I named her Sunburn because she laid out yesterday while I was at the conference, wore zero sunblock and burnt the shit out of herself.  The room is gorgeous, the hotel is even better and we are right on Universal Studio’s complex.  It’s a short walk to CityWalk, where we did lots of this: 

Then we did some of this:

 

And then, when the night was done, we weaved walked our way back to the room, and promptly fell asleep.

Together.  Life is fun right now folks.  I’m digging it.

Ghosts, Power and Sex Toys

The last time I was with McP, he and I went to a movie. When he bought our tickets, I was standing with him, staring at the man behind the glass that sold him our movie tickets.  The interesting thing is that this man stared at us too, almost like he knew us.

And as we were walking away, I said to McP, “That man looks so familiar! I can’t put my finger on it, but I think he recognized me too.”

He grins and says to me, “He recognized us.“

I said, “Us?  How do you mean?”

He handed me my movie ticket and said, “He was the janitor at our grade school.”

Now, first, let me just say, what the hell? I mean, really.  How do I go from not seeing McP for 25 years to dating him, and then we, together, run into the janitor from our grade school?  I actually laughed about that for a few days, not only because it’s just, well, weird … but because really?  Does this shit happen to anyone else?

A Kick in the Ass

You know what I’ve come to realize?

It’s all about the timing.

The timing of two people, who want the same thing from each other, at the same time.

I mean, really, just because two people are interested in each other doesn’t mean they’ll be able to be together, does it? Maybe one person is too focused on their career or one just got out of a relationship. Timing is just as important as other factors like attraction and common interests.

It’s sort of like making a QT Martini.  I need all the right ingredients -  Vodka, flavored vodka, a juice, and of course, a nice (large) chilled glass.  And if one of those things is missing, my QT Martini will taste like, well, ass. Timing in relationships, like vodka in a martini, are critical ingredients.

Maybe … just maybe with bad timing, it doesn’t mean two people aren’t right for each other.  Maybe it means that they have to wait for the right moment. 

Or maybe it’s all a bunch of shit because I’ve been waiting for a freaking year and am tired of kissing toads!

Ahem.  I digress.  I am not a patient person, this I admit to.  So I say this:  I can wish for the right time, more time, a different time, but the bottom line is:  Sometimes, waiting is like A Kick In The Ass – The foot and the ass have to both be in the right place, at the right time.

[Photo Credit:http://arbroath.blogspot.com]

Menstruation, Boys and An Ex-Thong Friend

Menstruation.   I remember reading the book, Are You There God?  It’s Me, Margaret. And waiting for that day to arrive, thinking it was something special.  Man oh man, if I knew then what I know now! And isn’t it just kinda hilarious that the word menstruation does in fact, have the word MEN in it??

And, as much of a rite of passage as getting your period is, there is another that goes along with it.  The way boys react.  I’m betting girls,  that at some point or another in your lifetime, you’ve had it – the experience – the uncomfortable-ness that males have with us bleeding from our vagina’s.  (I think it’s important to note I just cracked myself up.)  So, without further ado, here are some of my fabulous experiences … enjoy and laugh along with me.  Also, share your own if you wish!

Mother’s Day

To all my parent friends out there – those that are both mom and dad when it’s needed, to those that continually read this blog and offer your support, to all of my single mommy friends, to all of my married mommy friends, to my own mom, to my ShaNaNa …

Happy Mother’s Day!

Sex Sex Sex

An oldie revisited here.

I’ve read many a blog posting regarding the use of condoms, having safe sex, what kind of condoms are your favorite, safe oral sex, etc.  Hell, I even won a package of condoms from Single Mom Seeking in response to a post she did on this very topic! They were even mailed to me in a discreet envelope.    T is a very sexual woman, something she blogs openly about (which I admire), where I sort of tend to run around the subject most of the time.

Interesting topics on this very discussion are always had by Dad’s House as well.  David is a big advocate of the safe sex, and by far, so is everyone else.  However, this did get me to thinking as it recently dawned on me …

I was with the same man for well over 12 years.  Ten of those years being married to him, two in the dating and engagement stage.  After the divorce and taking some time for myself, dating wasn’t really the issue.  It was the whole sex thing.  I am a bit of an old-fashioned girl, I admit.  I like the chivalry in men I date, I like the door opening, hand holding, giving of flowers, offering up of your seats … in fact, I like it a lot.  I find this to be something that can and will get my hormones jumping.  So if I find that in a man, and I like that man for who he is, and it actually gets to the stage of us having sex, and then let’s just say we make the decision that it’s ONLY us having sex, and BAM, I’m in a relationship?  My question becomes … When does the safe sex become the safe sex?