My All Time Favorite Post

I think this one deserves a redo.

It’s my all time favorite blog I’ve written.

And, I’m lazy today.

SMOOCHIES

Upon consuming a great deal of alcohol, which I am very talented at doing (among other things), I am often overcome with an overwhelming urge to start drunk dialing people – or, more specifically, drunk-texting.

After consuming aforementioned said alcohol, the urge is so strong that I commonly whip out my phone, and start looking through my contacts to see who should be texted.  I text friends and relatives, friends from blogging world (Jane Wonder, Liz and Random Esquire), Irishman, Jenn, JagMan, Tina and sometimes I text ShaNaNa and she’s sitting right next to me, and occasionally, I’ll find a contact in my phone that I am unfamiliar with and send a text to that number as well.

On some level, I wonder if drunk-dialing is a function of lowered inhibitions.  In a few cases I’m simply getting in touch with people I had been meaning to contact anyway.  Being drunk is my excuse.  Yet, in other cases, I am texting people I would never ordinarily text – like the Unfamiliar Number in my phone.

Or maybe, for some out there, it’s an easier way of reaching out to someone that you haven’t talked to in a while.  Someone you had decided you didn’t WANT to talk to anymore, someone that you didn’t want to be a part of your life anymore.  Someone you only contact when you’ve been drinking, someone that isn’t good enough to contact when you’re sober.

I digress. I think, for me, when I’m that far in the bag some deep, primal urge takes over and I am compelled to do inappropriate things.  Like texting Random Esquire to mention the fact that I have lots of cleavage showing that evening.  Or sending Jane Wonder the 3am text informing her that I have indeed, been drinking somewhat heavily.  Or giggling and sending LetEmBreathe a text to inform him I find him fabulous.  Is there something about being that drunk gives us license to behave inappropriately and text at all hours of the day?

Perhaps text messaging originates with some sort of need for acknowledgment.  Perhaps we text because the feeling of recognition and inflated sense of worth that comes from bating others into returning messages at 2am.  Maybe we text because we see reflections of ourselves in the responses our texts illicit.

We may never know where the urge for drunk-dialing originates.  It may be driven by a late night desire for sex.  Or perhaps the elementary desire to do mischief.  Drunk-texting may even be a subconscious expression of the self.

In the end, we’ll probably never know for sure.

… What I do know for sure, is that I drink, therefore I text.

I Wonder …

I wonder what the world will be like when Emilee is my age.  I wonder if she’ll be a mommy, if she’ll be married and if she’ll be happily married. I wonder how involved in her life I’ll be.  I wonder what she’ll do for a living, and most of all, I wonder if she’ll look back on her life as a happy one.

I wonder how I learned in less than a half hour how to break boards with my bare hand.  I wonder if said hand is going to start aching any minute.

I wonder why JagMan has such a thing for my profile.  Literally he loves looking at my profile.  It’s odd.

I wonder why Pumpkin has such a hard time spending money.  I wonder why I have put up with it for this long.

I wonder where ShaNaNa wants to go on Friday night, yet I know wherever it is, there will be dancing.  I wonder what I’ll wear.  Hmm …

I wonder why some people seem to always have such high drama surrounding them.  It drives me nuts.

I wonder if weird things will stop happening to me at the grocery store.

I wonder how I’m going to survive my next dentist appointment, because it’s only 18 days away and I’m already nervous.

I wonder if Random Esquire loves me enough to put up with  my company for a weekend.

I wonder if Irishman misses me the way I miss him sometimes.

I wonder what time my hair cut appointment is this weekend.

I wonder what I’d do without coffee.

I wonder what I should make for dinner tonight.

I wonder what the future holds for me.

I wonder if Jane Wonder is ever going to update her blog.  Come ON already.

I wonder if I’ll have a story for Weird Thing of the Week this week.

I wonder if I could possibly wonder about anything else.  Hmm …

[Photo Credit: www.explodingdog.com]

From Pumpkins to Seeds

Alright people, the time has come.

I’m ready to be done with the Pumpkin.  God Bless Him, but I’m ready to be done.  I need to tell him, and I need some advice.

You see,  Pumpkin is of the sensitive sort.  We’ve been honest with each other thus far, he knows I’ve been seeing others, but he’s admitted to having more serious feelings for me and has sort of gotten to the point where he is expecting our weekends to be spent together.

So it’s time to tell him.  He’ll be upset, I’m very sure of this.  So what I need, please, is some advice.  Especially from any male readers that may happen to my blog … what is the best way, the kindest way I can break up with him?  I don’t want to hurt him, and I’d like to avoid this as much as possible.  I’d tell him I’m raging with STD’s and he should stay away, yet I’m fearful that wouldn’t even work.

Unpremeditated Stuff

1) I had a dentist appointment Friday morning.  I believe I’ve mentioned it before, but I have an unnatural fear of the dentist.  It’s an odd thing.  Logically, I know it needs to be done, I know I need to go.  I know what to expect, I know he’ll try and make me as comfortable as possible.  Yet all logic is thrown out the window when it comes to going to the dentist.  Or making the appointment.  Or once I get there.  Or once they try to take me back to the chair.  It is … simply uncontrollable.  The fear comes, and with it, all logic is simply gone.  So the wonderful ShaNaNa made my appointment for me, wouldn’t let me cancel that morning (even though I tried to), followed me there, came in with me, sat with me while I shook before they called me back to the dental chair, and finally, when the tears were flowing freely, came and sat back there with me while he worked on my teeth.  Yup, I’m a weirdo.  But she loves me anyway.  Thank God!

2) Saturday evening I went to a wedding with Pumpkin.  I was his date.  It’s always fun to go to a wedding where you know literally, no one.  And I didn’t.  You can say anything, do anything, dance like no one’s watching because really, I’ll never see these people again.  I kinda love that.

3) Sunday evening, Emilee’s dad took her to a professional basketball game so I had the evening free.  JagMan invited me to his sister’s house for dinner.  I accepted, thinking “YAY! I don’t have to cook!”  Upon arrival, I meet his sister, her husband, their child and the dog.  Seconds later, his mother arrived – yes, the same mother he lives with.  So there I am.  His family and I.  Upon sitting down for a very lovely dinner, and after some general conversation, his mother says to me, “So you went to a wedding last night?”

*Blink*

Damn I need to perfect Blank Face.  I looked at her and smiled, “Yes, Yes I did.  It was beautiful.  The bride was gorgeous, the hall was gorgeous.  I had a great time.”

His sister, unknowingly of course, commented this, “Oh I didn’t know you two were at a wedding!  Who got married?”

I looked to JagMan with a smile.  He piped up with, “I wasn’t at a wedding last night, QT was.  She’s cheating on me.”

Well, well.  Very interesting response, JagMan.

I looked at his sister and informed her that since JagMan’s arrival in my life, two weeks ago, he hasn’t earned me dropping contact with anyone else I may be dating.  And that he was having some difficulty realizing this, but we are working on it, aren’t we sweetheart?  And I patted his hand.  The sister laughed hysterically and told him I was “a keeper”.

4) Tomorrow, I am having my first karate lesson to learn how to chop a board in two for a video that I am shooting (yes, another one) at work.  And the only thing I’m worried about is breaking a nail.  That would bother me more than breaking a bone.

5) I was woken today by a text from my Irishman.  It said, “Hey baby let the free birds fly!”  And I smiled. In fact, I smiled big.  And if you know what that’s from?  Two points for you.

Weird Thing of the Week

I hope you all didn’t forget the Weird Thing of the Week!  I’ve been so engaged in the dating aspect as of late, I haven’t posted a Weird Thing of the Week!  So with no further ado …

I’m in the grocery store this past weekend, just picking up a few things as I went.  Hmmm … doesn’t it seem lots of odd things happen to me in the grocery store?  I digress.  So, one of the things I need is a new razor because I left my Venus in Vegas.  *Giggle*  No pun intended.  So by far, the Venus for Women razor is my all time favorite, and I definitely needed to get another one.  For those are that not aware, the Venus for Women is this razor:

And in this mama’s opinion, it’s  a damn good razor.  So I’m in the aisle, cart out of the way of everyone else, and I am examining the razors for sale.  I was staring intently I’m sure, at all razors available when I hear a male voice say, “So you need a razor, huh?”  I look over to see a man standing next to me, looking at some things in the aisle himself.  I was somewhat puzzled but said to him, “Yes, I sure do!” and went back to looking at the selection of razors.  Hindsight being what it is, What the Hell.   Could he have stated the obvious anymore?  But whatever, I go about my business.

Then he says to me, “So you gonna use that to shave your legs?”  Now the first thought that goes through my head is, WTF dude.  So I turned, looked right at him in shock.  I stared for a minute and said, “No, actually.  I have a HUGE bush and need all the help I can get, so the bigger the razor to handle this sucker, the better!  Any suggestions?”

Now he stared at me in horror and then walked away.

Assclown.

And for the record, the razor was for my legs.  And I do not have a huge bush.

I Live, I Date, I Learn

Inspired by the gorgeous Rachel Sarah -  Single Mom Seeking – I had to do a blog entry of my own, of the I Live, I Date, I Learn nature.  You see, Rachel had a date with a boy.  And the date went well, but he did not ask her out again.  Readers of her blog advised, and somewhat strongly in my opinion, against her asking him out.   And Rachel being the woman that she is, she went against the advice of her reader’s and did indeed ask him out for the second date.  You can read more about this in her own words, here.   And it’s a good read!

Which brings me to the topic …

I Live, I Date, I Learn

When Dick made the sudden departure from my life, I picked up a copy of the book, It’s Called a Break-Up Cuz It’s Broken, The Smart Girl’s Break-Up Buddy.  And you know, this book was my break-up buddy.  It helped me, and I read that book and reread that book until the bindings were practically loose.  It’s a very no nonsense type of book, with some whimsical stories thrown in.  It addressed many of my questions, issues, etc.  And once I was ready for the world again, I picked up a copy of the book, He’s Just Not That Into You, written by the same wonderful authors.  For more information on these books, check out the website!

And thus began my journey back into the dating world. Both of these books are adamant about one thing and one thing in particular:  If a boy wants to date you, come hell or high water, said boy will find a way to date you. I looked back on my dating life, before Dick, and wondered.  Did I call that man? Did I ask for dates?  Did I let it pass that they didn’t call when they said they would call?  Did I … chase?  And you know, the answer was yes.  I did all of these things.  And those relationships, or dates, always left me feeling … unsatisfied.  Restless almost.

So I decided to take a different approach this time around.  With these books behind my belt, so to speak, I took the approach of not doing a damn thing.  I did not call.  I did not ask for dates.  And if the boy said they’d call me Tuesday and didn’t end up calling Tuesday?  I was done with him.  I did not chase.

Let’s review shall we? Remember these dudes?

PokerMan, EyeLashMan, The Scientist, The Fireman, and probably a few more I haven’t mentioned as well.  They all did the pursuing – all of them.  And I did not reciprocate at all, really.  The demise of the fireman was a result of him not calling when he said he’d call.  And when he DID finally call, two weeks later, I expressed my dissatisfaction at this and told him, “I’m worth the phone call you promised me two weeks ago.  And now, yeah I’m done here.”  End of story.  He emailed and texted after that, working it hard, but I had lost interest.  How can I be interested in one that can’t make a simple phone call when he said he’d call?  It’s not that hard, really.  And then to NOT call for two weeks?  I can say with some certainty?  He Just Wasn’t That Into Me.

And let’s take a look at Irishman.  He has remained in contact with me since the day we met.  He has invited me back to see him, he has always pursued and now, well now it’s almost a mutual understanding that we both have desire to see each other when we can.

Look at Jag-Man … he went searching through old phone records to find ONE text that I had sent him, just to get my phone number.  He calls when he says he’s going to call, and he asks for dates.  He is doing the pursuing.

And the thing is, he remembered me from months ago.  He stopped seeing whomever he was seeing, for no reasons related to me obviously, and searched old phone records - just to get my number.  This fits in exactly with what the book says, actually.  Come hell or high water, right?

So yes, there it is.

I Live, I Date, I Learn.

I still have a ways to go, obviously!  But I’m a learnin people, and damn, it’s a process.

Honesty When Dating

So with the addition of Jaguar-Man to my life, or as some ladies I’m extra fond of would say, to QT’s rotation, it brings me to the subject of honesty with another when dating.  At this point, I still talk to Irishman, I am still seeing Pumpkin and I’m actively seeing and talking with Jaguar-Man.

To be fair, Irishman and I do not speak of others … we stick to the rule – when we are together, we are together. When we are not, well, we are not.  So perhaps counting him in the rotation isn’t applicable.  Unless of course, he invites me out to Vegas then yes, he is.  Hmmm … interesting conundrum.  Regardless, he and I do not speak of it.  Now during my last trip to Vegas, I was only seeing Pumpkin and I was honest with him when I explained the nature of my trip.  I was going to Vegas because there is someone there that I see.  At the time, he accepted this with a quiet understanding, and even drove me to the airport.  Upon my return, he picked me up.  There is more to that, but it’s a different story for a different day.

And so, this weekend Emilee is at her dad’s house, per our usual arrangement.  I have plans with Pumpkin tonight, Friday, and plans with Jaguar-Man tomorrow night.  So when this morning, Jaguar-Man called and asked me out for this evening, of course I told him I had other plans, and that I’d see him tomorrow.

He wasn’t happy when he found out I had plans with Pumpkin.

A bit of background for you.  During this past week, I’ve had many a phone call with Jag-Man.  We’ve spoken of many things, one being that I am in fact, dating others.  He paused at this for a moment when I first told him, and asked why.  I paused myself, and had to kind of, well, laugh.  I mean, did he think that I was just sitting around waiting and hoping he’d call?  Cuz yeah, I wasn’t.  So I said, well believe it or not, I did have a life before you decided to enter mine.  He laughed and said, “Of course, right.  I assumed perhaps you weren’t seeing anyone since you readily dated me.”  I told him I wasn’t seeing anyone exclusively, and that I’m free to date whom I choose.  And you know, this part was quite interesting to me.  He got very quiet and then said,

“I think I’m use to being a woman’s first choice.”

I had to smile at his honesty, but let’s face it.  That’s somewhat arrogant to say, even if it IS true.  Regardless, I smiled and said he hadn’t dated someone like me before.   This was rather arrogant myself, yes?  I left it at that.

So when I told him I had other plans tonight, he asked if I had a date.  I, of course, said yes.  I’m not playing games here, I just literally see no point in lying to him.  But I believe, I hurt his feelings.  Or his ego.  Or something.  And now it leaves me wondering …

Am I too honest with men that I’m dating?  Is there such a thing as too much honesty in the beginning of what could be a relationship?

The Scoop on the Jaguar-Man

Well, first and foremost, your comments from yesterday were absolutely, 100% fabulous.  I’m so appreciative of each and every one of you, I hope you all have an inkling of that. 

So to recap, here are some of the deal breakers expressed by you:

• Dishonesty, Lying
• Cheating
• Breaking Laws
• Addictions
• Being already married
• Living with his mom
• Smoking
• Animal Cruelty
• Cruelty towards waitresses (Hanna, that one is priceless!)
• Stinky Feet (Z, seriously?  *laugh*)
• Intolerance
• Alcoholic (Although I soon may qualify for this one! )
• Not being respectful
• Selfish
• Not wanting children

One of these, my friends, is the winner.  I’m happy to say, it’s not dishonesty or lying.  It’s not cheating,  and I don’t believe he’s broken any laws (that I’m aware of).  He’s not addicted to anything, he’s not married (he IS divorced), he does not smoke and yells at me when I want to when I’ve been drinking, he was very nice to MoonDoggie so I don’t think he’s cruel to animals.  He was incredibly pleasant to the waitress, so Hanna’s cruelty towards waitresses theory isn’t fitting for him.  He, as far as I know at the moment, does not have stinky feet.  He actually always smells quite nice.  He is tolerable, he is not an alcoholic and hadn’t drank for two months till our first date.  He is respectful (see car doors in other posts) and he is not selfish at all.   I’m not sure where he stands on having children, he has asked me if I wanted more, I can say that.  I believe he does in fact, want children.

So Congrats to Philly, and her fabulous blog which is very much worth checking out, because she guessed it. Sorry Philly, I have nothing to offer you other than my congratulations! 

He lives with his mom.

He told me this on our first date, and dammit, of course I couldn’t have Blank Face.  I stared at him in horror; he’s FORTY-ONE years old.  He offered this explanation, which mollified my horror a bit.   And now, I’m offering it to you.  Please, let me know your thoughts.

He was married for seven years.  He and his wife divorced approximately four years ago.  At the time of his divorce, his father was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer, and he deteriorated quickly upon the diagnosis.  He gave his wife the house, and moved in with his parents as no form of cancer treatment was available for his dad, and he was there to help him during his last months.  His dad died shortly thereafter, approximately 3 months after the diagnosis.  He said that at first, his mother was … just shell-shocked and he stayed to help out around the house.  He also said that after their almost 45 year marriage, there were things she wasn’t accustomed to taking care of.  Filling the car with gas, paying the bills, things of this nature.  He stayed for a year, in which he taught his mom how to do basic things around the home.

This part, I was certainly most okay with.  But now?  Well now it’s been 2 years and he’s still there.  I said quite bluntly to him, “And why are you still there?”

He smiled and said that it’s just become a matter of habit, convenience and that he’s been saving but with this economy, he hasn’t put much thought into buying another home of his own.

I blinked.  And ordered another drink.

Alright friends, speak to me.

Jaguar-Man, LetEmBreathe and Deal Breakers

For the upcoming weekend, I was invited to a party.  I sort of hummed and hawed about attending, as I wasn’t sure I wanted to go.  I especially didn’t want to go alone, and I wasn’t in the mood to bring Pumpkin, truth be told.  I had pretty much decided, sort of, that I was not going to the party.  Then … like a means of enticement, someone let me in on the fact that LetEmBreathe was going to be there, and all of a sudden, this party sounded a helluva lot more fun.  After a quick confirmation that my bud LetEmBreathe WILL in fact be attending, I fired off an invite to Jaguar-Man, asking if he’d like to go with me.

He responded that he had his own party to go to that night, but if I would be interested in attending his party with him, he’d attend mine with me.  I grinned and told him that he did, in fact, have himself a deal.

Speaking of deal, I’m wondering about Deal Breakers.  In my own view, a Deal Breaker is ‘the catch’ that a person can not overlook and ultimately outweighs any redeeming quality the other person may possess.  For all the good that Jaguar-Man has, there is one thing that could possible be a Deal Breaker for me.  While I’m going to keep that piece to myself for a bit, the good news is that is absolutely nothing to do with Emilee or the fact that I’m a single mom.  He is, in fact, quite supportive of that.  I guess for now, what I’d like to know, my fabulous friends and readers, is this:

What is a deal breaker for you?  What is it that you can not overlook about a person, something that would throw up such a red flag that you’d not date that person?

[Photo Credit: wwwlovesagame.com]

The Jaguar-Man

Friday night brought my date with the new addition, now newly named Jaguar-Man. 

He arrived at my house to pick me up Friday evening, and truth be told, I wasn’t expecting … I don’t know, much.  The word “much” isn’t the right word, but I’m somewhat at a loss here, for words that would accurately describe what I was feeling.  I was definitely looking forward to the date, as he has a great sense of humor that came shining through in any phone conversations and emails we have had/exchanged.  I think, that because he didn’t stick out in my memory from that night long ago in October, perhaps I concluded he wasn’t … my type?  The type of man I usually find attractive?  I’m just not sure.  So while I was looking forward to the date, I didn’t have the giddy excitement or those butterflies in my tummy.

And then he arrived to pick me up.

*Blink*  Um.  *Blink*

Instant Butterflies.  Instant Giddyness. Instant Attraction.  Jaguar-Man is a very, and I do mean very attractive man.  Not just physically attractive though I will admit upon his arrival I was completely pleased at his appearance and choice in clothes … but I soon learned in many other area’s as well.  As we left for dinner, and after he opened my car door, we had the ease of a free flowing conversation, good laughs and just … fun.  It was fun.  He commented over and over on my hair color, saying he’s never seen my shade of blond before, I commented back to him that it’s because you can’t dye hair this color, it’s just … my color.  He laughed and told me I was more pretty than he remembered, I told him he was way freaking cuter than I had remembered, and we had a great date.  I was lucky and ShaNaNa came to meet us for a drink,  and she met Jaguar-Man as well. 

The chivalry that I love?  He has it.  Every door – car or otherwise – was opened.  Every time I took my coat off?  He was assisting me.  Every time I put my coat on?  He was holding it for me.  When I was cold because the hostess sat us right by the door?  He noticed and asked for us to be moved.  I was not allowed to pay for a thing.  He has amazing green eyes.

I saw him Saturday night as well, and I think I may be seeing him again today before Emilee comes home from her dad’s house. 

I think Jaguar-Man … well, he’s ya know. *cough*  Um … *ahem*

Boyfriend Material.