Florida, Irishman and The Big R Word

So, as a birthday gift, (Yes soon, I will be … OLDER, oh joy) my wonderful daddy is flying ShaNaNa out to Florida to stay with him for a few days of R & R.  I have been a traveling fool this year, I swear.  Normally this is a fine thing, but I hate being away from Emilee so much.  While having some ME time is nice, being away from her is harder.  I’m done with the traveling and being away from her after this for a long time, that’s for sure.  Weekend getaways are different, as she’s with her daddy.  I digress.  ShaNaNa and I are hitting up Florida in less than a week.  Thank Goodness, some sunshine is exactly what my poor non-tan body needs. 

Something unexpected last night.  I got the Big “R” question from Irishman.  Specifically, he asked where this was going, are we headed towards a relationship.  I responded with, “We’ve successfully avoided this topic for seven months, can’t we continue on this way?” His answer?  “No.”  <QT banging her head in frustration>  WELL WHY NOT DAMMIT?  Ugh, I didn’t respond immediately, as I needed some time to wrap my head around what he was asking.  I mean, was he asking because this is what HE wants?  Or was he asking because he thinks this is what *I* want?  Regardless, here it was, the time had come.  And in typical wonderful female fashion, I told him that he didn’t seem interested in a LDR (Long Distance Relationship) with me, and that he never has.  Immediately after that, my phone rang.  One man from Ireland on the other end … and here we go.

He said it was time to talk “straight up” about this.  I said if you want to talk straight up, we are throwing everything out on the table – everything!  He agreed, much to my chagrin.  My threats with the intent of not having this conversation were clearly not working.  With that in mind, I decided that my approach was going to have to be exactly what he deserved.  100% honesty. He is a good man, and deserves nothing less.  So, with 100% honesty, I told him,  when I’m there, I’m there with him – period.  We are a couple when I’m there, we are treated as a couple when I’m there, we DO couple things together when I’m there … he agreed wholeheartedly with this, said he was on the same page.  Great, I said, but … when I’m home?  I’m home.  Alone.  Not with you. Not part of that couple anymore.  We are friends and I hope we stay that way.  I was met with crickets chirping … and with a bit of hurt in my heart I explained to him that since my big breakup with Dick, he is probably the closest thing I’ve had to a “relationship”.  I could hear his smile while he said “Me too, you know.” And yes, I do know.  And I like how things are, right now, with he and I.  I don’t want them to change because it only complicates things.  For as good as a man he is, we have completely different lives. And I see no way that they could ever merge into one.  We’d make each other miserable and what’s the point in that?  He lives to sing, for his music, his days are nights, and my days are his nights.  He’d be unhappy here, and I’d be unhappy there.  In short?  There does not seem to be a way to make the impossible, possible here. 

And in the end, he seemed relieved that we had spoken of it. We are both on the same page, with an understanding that we didn’t have before.  He invited me to come out to see him for New Years Eve, and I smiled and told him we’d see, we’d definitely see – but I may have other plans.  He laughed and said “Lucky guy then.” 

I smiled and said it seemed to me, I was the lucky one.