Sexual Misadventures

So this weekend, I’m at a local WalGreens looking in the feminine product area for … oh hell, why be discreet?  I needed some tampons.  And as I’m staring in amazement at all 257 different kinds of tampons, my eyes wander over to the other products they have for women there – including but not limited to … lubricant – warming and regular, feminine cleaning products, and low and behold … my blue eyes spy some FOAM.  The birth control foam.  And into my memory springs a story that a friend told me once … and as I sat in that aisle of Walgreens laughing, I just feel the need to share this story.  And pretty much everyone I know, except Red Wine Gums of course (so baby shield your eyes), has THE story.  The Sexual Misadventure … some time or another that you are just flat out embarrassed by.  Maybe it was the first time with that person, maybe it was the last time with that person, maybe the first time of oral sex, who knows?  But we all have one, methinks.  So with that thought, I must share the story of a friend of mine.  I’d like to use of my own, but damn, this one is a helluva lot better!  So with that …

So, we were younger … she was a virgin still and finally decided, after a year with her boyfriend, the big day was finally going to happen.  She had it all planned out.  Her mom was out of town and her boyfriend was coming to spend the weekend with her.  She did not take the pill, she was on no type of birth control.  A condom she was fearful of … so they decided to not only use a condom but some other type of birth control as well.  After much investigation, she decides on using the foam.  Mind you, this was 15 years ago and while I’ve no personal experience with the foam,   I guess it was more used then than it is now?  What do I know.  I digress.  So … she buys the foam.  The big night comes … she prepares the way most women do.  Shaving of all necesary parts, cleaning of all necessary parts, making herself look gorgeous.  According to the directions she tells me, you use the foam and then should immediately start having the sex.  So they work up to the big moment, she excuses herself, goes and shakes up her can of foam (part of the directions mind you!) and uses a little extra “to be safe”.  So she comes back out of the bathroom … meets her man, they start to get busy again, and low and behold, my poor friend is -

Foaming from the Vagina.  Like Mad Dog foaming.  Like someone Bobby Brady’ed the washing machine foaming.  Like someone put regular dish detergent into the dishwasher foaming.  She’s foaming from between her legs SO badly that she has to hightail it to the shower for fear of ruining the bed, carpet and anything else she was foaming on. 

Needless to say, she was still a virgin when the night was over and me being the good friend I am, laughed my ASS off when she told me this story.  So there I was, in Walgreens, seeing the foam and giggling hysterically like teenagers do when they see birth control … and decided.  We all have Sexual Misadventures. 

So … with that – I want to hear some.  Don’t be embarrassed, it happens to ALL of us.  Whether it be the odd noise, the funky tastes, the squishie sound.  We’ve all had ‘em … let’s hear it!