I have a confession to make.
If I meet a man that is my age or older, has not been married, has not had a relationship longer than a year or two, and has no children? I hear this in my head: WARNING WARNING! DANGER WILL ROBINSON! And then I turn and make a very sharp U-Turn.
I realize this is unfair to what could possibly be, a very good man that just hasn’t found “the one” yet. I realize that this could be deemed “small-minded” of me. I realize this has all kinds of room for argument. I realize that nowadays, getting married super young is not as common, and I have no issues with that. I myself, believe had I not gotten married so young, I’d not be divorced at this point. But that marriage also gave me my daughter, so I have no regrets about my marriage. Most importantly, I realize that I ignored this warning voice with the 38 year old Dick, and plunged heart first into the love. I realize that this hurt may cause me to shut out my future boyfriend. Yet … there are realizations in my favor here as well, so read me out here for a moment.
I think, my biggest question would be for a man my age or older, would be WHY? Why haven’t you made the commitment yet? Are you of the theory get married older, have fun longer? Are you the man that gets involved deeply with a woman then runs away when you’re scared? Are you the man that wants his freedom and doesn’t want to be “tied down” to someone? What is it, you are so afraid of? Why is it you haven’t committed yourself to a woman yet? Are you the man that wants a relationship but doesn’t want any of the relationship “things” that come with it? Why have you NOT MARRIED at this age?
These are my questions for the never-been-married mid-to-older-thirties man. I have no answers clearly, but I still have the questions. And because those questions are there, and because I should have looked at these signs with Dick instead of having the blind faith (and all the other signs I missed as well), I now make the U-Turn. Illegal or not I could care less, I make the damn U-Turn. And fast.
Perhaps I’m jaded. I admit to this, but I’m also honest. And I think I speak for a lot of women when I ask these questions. At least, I speak for the ones I know. 
[Photo Credit: www.weblo.com]
July 30, 2008 at 3:13 pm
Oh hon, I want to give you this sage advice on how you should open yourself up to possibilities and yadda yadda yadda. But the truth is, when I find one of those? I immediately wonder why. Because there must be a fundamental reason why they’ve never really committed and it’s probably something wrong with them.
I never get around to asking though, because I run too.
Now, here’s the kicker. You always say I’m too negative. So maybe you want to shine that light on you and see if you’re ok with this after it’s done. I’m no one to judge, just turning your own advice on ya a bit. Think about it. (Because secretly I think maybe this isn’t your style. That’s all.)
July 30, 2008 at 3:17 pm
I freely admit to having some negativity of my own right now, because as you know, most of my hurt isn’t exactly over in dealing with Dick. I still have hope for me one day, and while not dating anyone right now I have these questions and thoughts rolling around in my head. Maybe when I’m done dealing with myself I’ll have a different opinion.
But I will proceed with more caution as well.
July 30, 2008 at 6:16 pm
* hugs *
I think you’re right to ask those questions or have those concerns. I know I’d be the same if I were in your situation. But in a lot of ways I’m already there. I don’t expect to find anyone in the distant future. I suppose I just have to hope that the answer “The right girl didn’t come along” is going to be enough on some level.
July 30, 2008 at 8:33 pm
Nope. There’s a reason they’re that old and single. I’m with you – I would rather date a 38 year old who has been divorced than never married at all.
Shows they can commit.
Awesome post!
July 30, 2008 at 10:36 pm
Just to play devil’s advocate… does t really show they can commit? Because how committed do you have to be to leave?
(And yes it swings both ways. That’s why I’m always terrified of exposing my own past.)
July 31, 2008 at 12:20 am
This could also could turn the tables and soemone could think your a great person and wonder why your not with anyone, regardless of the past. I thought the same as you wrote about in the blog and yet someone brought it to my attention… your a great person but why are you single? Regardless of me beingmarried and divorced and have a son, I am single and unattached. My only words of advice is to be open with the possiblities that someone just has nto found the right one and decided to wait for that special someone.
July 31, 2008 at 1:30 am
Oh I know the answer to this one!
*clearing my throat*
Because they are losers.
July 31, 2008 at 1:18 pm
I think you’ve summed it up…when you meet men like this, it prompts questions.
I’m probably completely ignorant on this topic – but do people ask each other these things? Because I’d probably ask. I think Besos asked me questions like this, especially since Boss and I had been together 4 years and hadn’t decided we were IT for life.
Man, I think I just depressed myself.
July 31, 2008 at 1:21 pm
I think the very same thing. And I agree with Single Mama…I want a divorced person rather than a never married. I also think they might understand more where I’m coming from. Now about kids? I’ve dated both and married someone with full custody. It was definitely easier with the guy with no kids. I’m pretty selfish about thinking my girl is the center of the universe…it’s hard when someone bring their child in, to maintain that notion.
July 31, 2008 at 2:15 pm
You guys have some great comments here. I wish I had known then what I know now … I do believe life would be a bit easier. But as they say, what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. And beer helps.
July 31, 2008 at 3:21 pm
I have a couple of male friends (around my age) who are single, never been married, no kids etc…and to be honest, it’s because they have thrown themselves into their careers. They WANT those things, but want to be ‘established’ before getting them so that they can devote as much time as possible to their families etc. when the time comes and they know that they just didn’t have it in them to get where they wanted and have a successful social life. When I sit back and take a good look, I admire them for that. They want to give everything thier all…
August 1, 2008 at 2:45 am
My first comment here:
My loser dad used to have this shitty witty saying that there is something either physically or mentally off with someone who makes it to 35 and has never been married and never had children.
You shouldn’t agree with such an asshole. You’re too good for that.
August 1, 2008 at 1:42 pm
Thank you MeisMommy.
Really, thank you.
August 1, 2008 at 3:13 pm
I’m a 50 year old, never married (and no kids) professional male who feels quite comfortable and fulfilled with my chosen lifestyle. I’ve had several long term relationships (one lasted 11 years!) but never felt compelled to marry and nor did my partners. One important reason for this tis that from the time I was very young, I knew I never wanted to have children. And most women (at least in the US) do focus on that in a relationship. Because I was firmly against having any kids of my own, marriage made no sense or at least didn’t offer any substantive improvement to my living situation. Now that I’m 50, eligible women in my age group are far less interested in having a family or perhaps have already gone thru that process. So that takes alot of the pressure off. And I’m not opposed to marriage, it just simply doesn’t make practical sense for someone like me. I am very comfortable with this….it amazes me that others are disturbed by my chosen lifestyle. I get asked the same questions all the time. BTW: In Italy, where I lived for several years, “never married” men and women my age and older are quite common. It must be a cultural thing about we Americans who seem to focus so much on marriage and children.