Dad’s House First-Date Contest

Do you read Dad’s House?  If not, you should check it out.  He’s a handsome single dad that always has fresh, new perspectives on dating, single parenting, and relationships. 

He’s having a First-Date contest.  See the full details here.   To sum it up, “Tell us your best First Date Ideas, First Date Things to Avoid, Memories of a Great First Date, or First Date Horror Stories. Whatever you want – just stick to the theme of first dates.”

I think, fairly enough, as for best date first date, I’d like to use the entry I posted for my first real date with my Irishman. 

Since the time I’ve begun this blog, I’ve shared most of my experiences in my small world of dating.  Before The Dick entered my life, however, I was actively dating as well.  One experience was so unlike any other, so absolutely ridiculous that I just can’t pass up this chance to A) Share with you and B) Enter Dad’s House’s contest. 

 QTMama’s First Date Horror Story

Editor’s Note: If you’ve an aversion to mention of erectile dysfunction, please stop reading now.

I was at the time, actively using Yahoo Personals as I was finding it difficult to get out and meet people – I was a single mom, my daughter was with me every night of the week.  So, the personals seemed like a great way to set up some dates.  After weeding through the garden of men, one in particular seemed to stand out, kind of like a dandolian … I sent a flirt, he responded, and eventually phone numbers were exchanged.  He called when he said he was going to call – first step in the right direction!  We had a nice conversation, which led into him asking me out for dinner.  I agreed and the date was set.  I decided that I’d meet him at the restaurant, as I was not cool with giving him my address. 

The evening came and I was looking forward to having a night out with some adult conversation.  I arrive at the restaurant and he is waiting, with a table ready for us.  Step Two in the right direction.  His pictures did not lie, and he was a nice-looking man.  We sit down, order some drinks and start up the conversation.  If I could insert sound at this point, I think it’d be adequate to hear something like a straight down noise from this point on.  He begins the conversation normally enough, but all the while keeps giving me a look and licking his lips.  I’m questioning at this point whether or not he has dry lips.  The look however, was almost as incomprehensible as eating ribs on a first date.  I believe he was going for seductive; half-lowered eyelids, dark eyes looking my way, lips in a half kissing state.  What came across the table to me was a dude who smoked a fattie before the date.  Lowered lids yes, but clearly his eyes were bone dry as he was in a rapid state of blinking.  His eyes were looking my way in a stalker sort of way, and his lips look like he was sucking on a lemon.  I was in a state of awe.  Did this person think he was … sexy?  Once our food had arrived, I believe he used every opportunity available to man to use his fingers as some sort of … aphrodisiac. He licked them up and down like one would a Popsicle.  He sucked the tips of his fingers to remove whatever food he had there, and all the while giving me the look.  At the end of the meal, he leaned over, took my hand and pulled it towards him.  He opened my hand and placed into my palm, a pill.  He stared at me while informing me this pill was … a Cialis.  Are you familiar with Cialis?  I wasn’t at the time.  It’s for erectile dysfunction.  So as I stared at this pill, I wondered why he was giving it to ME.  I asked him just that question.  His answer?  So that I could decide if he should take the pill, because it lasts up to 36 hours.  I do believe I stared at him in shock for a moment before I smiled, dropped the pill into his drink, stood up, said as loudly as humanly possible that I wasn’t interested in dating a man that had erectile dysfunction, also told him he was an assclown, got my purse, and walked out.  Thank the Lord I didn’t give this crazy, strange man with erectile dysfunction my address.

As I was leaving, he began to get up, only to have the waiter (who was standing nearby and I am very sure heard my comments) hand him the bill.  Upon last glance, erectile dysfunction man was staring at his drink with the pill melting inside there with a surprised look on his face.  SURPRISED.  Can you imagine?