I am a young(er) single professional. I am smart, make my own house payments, mow my own lawn, shovel my own snow and manage to take care of a house, a household, a daughter and myself. I am proud of these things.
I wonder sometimes, however, no matter how single, professional or domestic that I can be, am I old-fashioned?
Dick opened every door there was to be opened for me. If I was driving, my car, he opened my drivers side door before walking to the passenger side. I LOVED that. The Scientist hasn’t opened a single door. Strike One. I am not trying to compare Dick and The Scientist. I am, however, wondering – is chivalry dead?
Chivalry is defined as “the sum of the ideal qualifications of a knight, including courtesy, generosity, valor, and dexterity in arms.”
What happened to men opening the doors for us? What happened to a man bringing you flowers or hell, even A flower on a date? I remember being 8 full months pregnant and waiting at restaurant for a table, and not ONE person offering me a chance to sit down. All my single-mama readers know it’s tiring even standing when you’re that pregnant. Opening doors, offering seats, pulling out chairs, buying flowers, moving to stand in front of me in a confrontation – these are all qualities I want in a man. Does this make me old-fashioned?
I believe upbringing takes a major factor in this – we are all products of our environment. I still, to this day, watch my mom sit in the car waiting for my dad to walk around and open the door to let her out of the car. And I think it’s awesome.
Dick had all the above-mentioned qualities. I loved these things about him.
So tell me, is this fashionable, modern, up-to-date single mama old-fashioned?
April 14, 2008 at 7:05 pm
There is NOTHING old fashioned about chivalry!
As evidence to this, I went out to dinner the other week with my brother and his darling new boyfriend. My chair was pulled out for me. When we left the restaurant and went to get some coffee, they fought over who would offer me their coat since I was cold (having opted for a cute over a weather practical wardrobe). They walked me back to my car and waited for me to be safely in it and on my way before leaving. These two very hip, very not old fashioned men were both extremely chivalrous.
I want doors opened for me, too. I want flowers just because. I want a man who offers his seat to a woman, and who (when dining very formally) stands when a woman leaves or returns to the table.
Demand chivalry!! You deserve it!!
April 14, 2008 at 11:56 pm
I try and be chivalrous. In fact I demand it of myself. It’s one of the ways I promised I’d honour the memory of my grandfather (that’s a story for another day).
I just seek to be courteous and kind without demonstrating any lack of respect. I guess on one level I just want to reassue her that I don’t think her weaker or incapable. I seek to be chivalrous with all the people I interact with. But for my gf or wife I want to go above and beyond
April 15, 2008 at 4:42 am
I open doors, etc. I think it feels…awkward not to do so. The most awkward part for me is the bill. I really can’t stand to not pay the bill. I have to pay it. It makes me nuts. I can only imagine letting my date pay if she insisted. I know I shouldn’t make someone insist but it’s really, really hard to let someone pay for themselves or (ACK) me.
April 15, 2008 at 8:24 pm
now i know we are in the same boat… d did all those things for too, including the walking out thing. i just recently went out with my roommate and he didn’t touch one door, although he did pay for and monitor my drinks. still though i was pretty shocked, how do you not open the door, make sure she walks in first, pull out a chairyeah we’re rommates and not dating but i think these things should be imbedded in men at birth.
you are not old fashioed, you are right on target!
April 15, 2008 at 10:04 pm
One of these days I’m going to find the woman who started telling these men she was offended by having her door opened for her. Then I’m going to kill her. Slowly. Because that stupid twit has been ruining it for the rest of us forever now.
May 21, 2008 at 6:07 am
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October 15, 2008 at 2:12 pm
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