Closure

Closure is a funny thing, isn’t it?  Do I really need it to move on? Does it really do anyone any good to get the “closure”? Hmm ….

Closure has been defined as a woman feeling “that all of the final emotional “loose ends” have been tied up to her satisfaction, and there is no remaining “unfinished emotional business” that she needs to take care of before moving on with her life”. 

 Yah.  I don’t get it.  He says (even that last day) that he loves me, that I’m his best friend, that he is still attracted to me.  But, sorry, don’t see a future.  How would I get closure if I stuck to the above definition?  How can my situation be tied up to MY satisfaction?  Actually that makes me laugh.  <sniff> And now cry, cuz my emotions are all over the place.

I would say, in my situation, that getting closure is going to be nothing more than getting a reinforced rejection.  Who in the H E double hockey sticks needs that?  He rejected me once, I don’t need to go through it again.  (Do I sound convincing?  I need to.  I do not want to call, I do not want to call … <repeat as needed>)

My first time …

BLOGGING.  Get the minds out of the gutter!  Yup, me a complete computer nerd, who reads others blogs all the time, finally finally finally started a blog of my own.  Why you may ask?  Let me tell you a story.  Once upon a time, a girl was in love.  She got married, seven years later she had a baby and three years later she got divorced.  This was not a sad divorce, but a very amicable friendly divorce.  A year after her divorce, she met a wonderful man and went head first into a relationship she’s wanted her entire life.  He was her best friend, she was attracted to him like no other, he made her laugh, and most importantly, he wanted to be a part of her daughter’s life.  He worked his way in, and she too, fell in love.  They spoke of marriage, of being together forever.  They made plans.  He said he loves her.  And then, one year, one month and one day later, he walked in to her house, told her he didn’t see the future with her anymore, and left.   She is heartbroken, devastated. And needs somewhere to put her feelings.

 And now, almost one week later, I sit here blogging.  Maybe it’s because I had no real explanation of what happened.  Maybe it’s because I’ve scoured the Internet for clues on how to explain to my daughter why the boyfriend doesn’t want to be mommy’s boyfriend anymore.  Maybe it’s because she is the single most important thing in my life and it KILLS me to see her hurting.  A thousand maybe’s and no answers.