Today it has been one week. How odd, to go from having a best friend that you talk to everyday, more than once, to seeing someone every night, to having dinner together almost every day …. to just, nothing. Someone once told me that a break-up is like a death, you grieve the loss just as badly. They were right. This is something new for me, as all of my break-ups have never been this abrupt, this … FINAL. Of course, my ex-husband and I still talk pretty much everyday due to our daughter. My friend Shannon tells me that everyday is going to get a bit easier. So far, this has not happened yet but I’m hoping that starts happening soon.
Here are the things I realize do NOT help …
1) Drinking. Actually, for about 3 hours, it helped a whole helluva lot. However, then I got mushy drunk and wanted to cry. That sucked.
2) Not Sleeping. Sleeping is a MUST. I have noticed that the less sleep I get, the more depressed I get. Plus, I can’t be a tired mommy. My girl can tell something is wrong, and she asks me if it’s because I miss him. And I want to tell her that no, I don’t. But I tell her the truth, that yes, I miss him but Mom is going to be ok.
3) Being by myself. That just makes the day that much slower. When I’m at work, I have something to do. When my girl is home, I always have something to do - as any single mom can tell you. When she is at her dads, I walk around my house not knowing what to do and thinking of him.
4) Checking my phone every two minutes. UGH I hate me for doing that, but I can’t help it. What if it rang and I missed the call? It’s just more humiliating to check the damn thing and see that he in fact, didn’t call.
5) Checking my email every two minutes. See #4
6) Looking for a self-help book. I feel like a loser but I do want to buy one. Right now I am more concerned that actually going to the book store and standing in the “I suck and got dumped” section just points out to everyone I can’t handle my breakup.
One week – and it was one helluva long week, let me tell you.
Things will get better, I know this. I slept well last night, so today I’m holding my head higher. My BFF is a huge sense of support and for that I am so grateful. Scouring the web and finding other blogs, like MsSingleMama, is always helpful as well.
March 18, 2008 at 12:19 am
Breaking up is NEVER easy. I recall the first one I had after my divorce. It was just equally traumatic emotionally but less of a hassle as it didnt involve kids, property..you know, the works. I did all those things you did but I guess all these are just pretty normal when we go through break ups. It will get better in time.
March 19, 2008 at 5:30 am
Have you ever read Dorothy Parker’s A Telephone Call?
You can read it here: http://www.classicshorts.com/stories/teleycal.html
Your entry reminded me of this excerpt:
“Ah, don’t let my prayer seem too little to You, God. You sit up there, so white and old, with all the angels about You and the stars slipping by. And I come to You with a prayer about a telephone call. Ah, don’t laugh, God. You see, You don’t know how it feels. You’re so safe, there on Your throne, with the blue swirling under You. Nothing can touch You; no one can twist Your heart in his hands. This is suffering, God, this is bad, bad suffering.”
I hope that your candor about the situation and about your feelings is cathartic. It is not shameful to have a broken heart.
-R.
March 19, 2008 at 11:19 am
Random Esquire! How pleased and touched I am that you wrote. Thank you, and writing here in this blog IS cathartic, absolutely. I love that quote, it … FITS so well! I will be checking out the link for more.
Thank you for taking the time to respond, and to you too Hanie.
March 22, 2008 at 3:53 pm
You made me laugh! I’m happy that it pleased you. I’m subscribed so brace yourself to be pleased some more. -R.