A single mom’s worst fear

My ex-husband got remarried six months after our divorce.  I was ok with this; actually I was happy for him.  Why shouldn’t I have been? I was in a great relationship with a man I loved very much.  He and I were talking of marriage as well.  Anyway, why do I bring up my ex you ask?  It’s surprising to me, that he has been a GREAT sense of support since the man I am in love with decided that we are no longer going to be together.  I was surprised at this and comforted by the fact that we are truly friends.

 I digress.  My worst fear in getting the divorce was dating and introducing my daughter to new men in my life.  I was intent on the fact that any man that met my daughter would be the man I was going to marry.  And when I fell in love so completely with him, I still had some reservations about introducing him to Emilee.  He brought it up to me as a matter of fact.  “When do I get to meet her?” and I loved him even more for wanting to meet her.  I am, after all, a package deal.  I introduced them; and she too, fell in love. And now, now that he’s gone, I am left picking up the pieces of not only my heart, but hers as well. 

How does a single mom explain to a five year old that mom no longer has a boyfriend?  How do I make her understand something I barely understand myself? She cries; I cry.  It breaks my heart to know that my worst fear has come true.  And it angers me that he gets to walk away – seemingly undaunted by the fact that my daughter, who loved him as much as I do, is hurting.

How did I deal with this?  I sat her down and told her that she and I were a family.  We will always be a family.  And mommy and Em very much wanted him to be a part of our family, but at this time, he doesn’t want to.  “Will we see him anymore mama?” she asks.  I shake my head and tell her, as my heart breaks again, that no, we will not be seeing him again.  But that she and I are still a family, and as long as we have eachother, we will be ok.   My sweet, precious daughter thinks for a minute, gives me a hug and says “That’s ok mama, we have our own family” and runs off to get her favorite stuffed animal and asks me for some snuggle time.

And I realized, at that moment, that snuggle time is exactly what I needed too.