The Single Mama’s weekend alone.

This weekend my daughter is with her father.  He is a very involved father; I suppose I am lucky in that regard.  As Richard is no longer in my life, and my weekends are TRULY my weekends, I’m wondering what other single mama’s do when their kids are gone on the weekends? As for me, well … tonight I am heading to Wings game.  Yes, in live in the ‘burbs of Detroit.  Yes that Detroit, the one with the Mayor.    A Wings game with a friend of mine, and that will be fun.  Tomorrow I could hit a poker party in the evening or spend the evening alone watching my Sex in the City Box Set.  HMMM …

I’d love to hear some things my single mama readers do on their weekends alone! 

She does my heart some good.

I never knew the depth of love that was possible until my daughter was born.  She is as tenacious now as she was the moment she decided to be born.  My labor was approximately an hour and a half.  Another story for another day.  Never has anything tested my patience as much as my girl.  Never have I had as much as I do with her.   

Today, today I needed her.  I needed the hugs and the happiness to see me.  I need to hear all of the L words she pronounces with Y.  Lucky is said as Yucky.  Lemonade is said as Yemonade.  I love it.  We played Lite Brite, Ants in the Pants (she cheated), ate dinner together and are going to have some serious snuggle time.  Reading books is on the agenda, and then I will tuck her in and she will beg me to lay with her, which every night I pretend I am not going to, then run and jump in with her.  I am one lucky mama.

Come On! What’s with the pickup lines?

So my daughter spent the night with her daddy last night, a rarity for a Wednesday.  As I am trying to keep myself busy these days, and Em at her dad’s for the night, I headed out to play poker.  For those interested, I play in a free league that sets up in some restaurant/bars in the area around here.  I walk in and as I’m a bit early, decide to sit down and wait for Shannon, who is coming to meet me up there.  A man walks up to me. 

“Hey you have something on your ass!” he says.

“Really?” I reply, almost turning around to peer at my own ass.

“Yeah!  It’s MY EYES!”

And now I sit there watching this man slap his own leg because he thinks his pickup line is that funny.  Really.  Really??

Today I got to thinking, is there such a thing a well-delivered pickup line?  I’m sure there must be, but not in my experience.  So hopefully to make someone out there smile, I’m going to share some of my most memorable bad pickup lines, with comments and thoughts from yours truly thrown in.

• “I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I can still make your bed rock!” Thanks.  And you know, a hard-on does not count for personal growth.
• “You have a quarter? I need to call my mom and tell her I met the girl of my dreams!” Hey sure! Tell your mom your stupid while you’re on the phone with her.
• “You need to buy me a drink, because when I saw you, I dropped mine!” Now this one caught me off guard as I hadn’t heard it before and it made me laugh.  He was a tool nonetheless.
• “You want me, don’t you?”  OH yes.  To get the hell out of my face before I jab you in the eye with the straw from my drink.
• I once had a man walk up to me, lick his hand, touch my arm with his spit hand, and then tell me I needed to get out of these wet clothes.   I was so grossed out by this I wanted to vomit.  Instead I told him to use his spit hand for rubbing  himself, and to get the hell away from me.
• “Those boots are great!  They’d look better on my floor in the morning though.”  What?  All the clothes I’m wearing and you pick my boots to comment on? Seriously? 
• “It’s a good thing I have my library card, because I’m checking you out!” Wow and amazingly enough, I don’t give a shit!
• One man in particular was very persistent in his insistence that I wanted him.  He finally says to me, “We are both in this bar for the same thing.” My response?  “Yah!  Let’s go pick up some chicks!”  And he went away after that.  LOL I will always remember that one.
• “So I noticed you’re a girl.”  LOL  WTF?  Yes, I am and I have the goods to prove it!

So as to give the correct idea here, these are a few that I’ve remembered from the age boys started delivering lines to me.  I always try to be nice and say no thank you gently, however, sometimes while I’m doing so I have the evil thoughts of those notated above.   

I’d love to hear some others, so please, share away! 

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The Circle of Support

 Today I’ve been thinking about the overwhelming amount of support I’ve gotten from family and friends while going through this tough period in my life.  Let me start by saying that I have TWO girlfriends in life that I love and trust.  Two. 

My BFF Jenn is my main … how to say, well she is simply put, my everything.  She is, without a doubt, always there when I need her.  And she is there when I don’t need her.  She is that friend that I will have forever.  She will be there.  Period.  She is someone to laugh with, get my drink on with, to support me when needed, to not judge when I’m making stupid decisions but also to gently remind me they are stupid decisions (*grin*), and above all, she is THERE.  I need her like I need air to breathe, and the best feeling I have of my relationship with her, is that I don’t question it.  I know that she will be part of my life forever.  I value this friendship more-so than I think I can express. 

My other friend Shannon, also popularly known as Sha-Na-Na as I call her.  I use to think of her as my drinking buddy, because that’s what we do together.  We have those fabulous girl’s night out together, get glammed up,  get our drink on, CERTAINLY get our dance on, smile at cute boys together and always have fun.  I’ve come to realize however, that she is more than that.  I need her, too.  And the funny thing is, she needs me.  Other than being a mommy, I’m not always use to that feeling.  She has been there for me … always checking in (I was a mess a week ago) , taking me out to talk, bringing me dinner because I didn’t (more like couldn’t) eat for …. well, a while.  Jenn lives far away (someone ask me about the fit I threw when she moved, I rivaled Emilee in that one! LOL), so I’ve been bugging Shannon almost daily to do this or that with me.  She has her own family, things to do, etc, but she has made the time.  I asked her today if she was tired of me not having a boyfriend yet?  She said to me, “NO.  I will be there for you matter what!” 

I’ve also kept in my head something Random Esq said to me as a comment to another posting – “a broken heart is nothing to be ashamed of.”  I can’t explain why, but it SO helped to read that, as for some reason, I was feeling ashamed.  I know nothing of RE, other than reading his wonderful blog.  Hanie, SingleWorkingMommy, RE, Liz (am I forgetting anyone?) that have posted comments, it has become a saving grace. 

Thank you, to each of you, because words can not express the gratitude I feel for helping me through this.  *HUGS*

[Photo credit: www.mylifetime.com/files/images/bc-bralogo.jpg]

“I would rather be in Hell with each other than in Heaven with anybody else.”

Isn’t that a great quote?  I think I will adopt it.  It fits exactly what I’m looking for!  Not that I’m looking right now, I’m taking some time off from the dating scene for a while.  I am actually looking forward to it … at least for right now.

 Tonight I am off to kick some ass playing Texas Hold ‘Em!  I can’t wait. 

Rest, Relaxation and Anger

We are in Florida!  It feels great, the weather is wonderful, the wind is warm, the sun is bright, I am officially sunburned and Emilee is having a great time.  I was concerned getting away was going to be harder (what if, while I was gone, he changed his mind and came rushing to my house?), but actually, this has helped 100%. 

And to be honest, the day I was leaving for Florida, guess who I talked to? Yup, Dick.  Did it give me any more answers?  No.  Was he as miserable as I was?  Yes.  Did that make me feel damn good?  YES.  This was, after all, his idea.  You see, Dick explained to me that he’s trying to figure out if he’s sitting at home missing the routine of us seeing each other every day, or if he is actually missing me.  I have put some thought into this, and it’s making me angry.  Was I really with someone that isn’t sure if they miss me?  How arrogant does that sound for him to say that?  I know what I was missing – it’s ALL of it.  Him, the talking, laughing, touching, all of it.  I don’t think he comprehends that after the euphoria of falling in love is over, the real work begins.  And here is the thing – we were good.  From the bedroom to the kitchen to the living room, to anywhere, we were good together.  The problem here is, does he see that or does he need some time to see that?  And really, do I want to be with someone that doesn’t realize what he’s missing – the routine of being together (“it’s such a change”, he says) or ME.  And the more I think about it, the more angry I become.   I need to be loved by someone who CHOOSES to love me, who sees in me something worth loving.  Not by someone who questions it. 

 ::sigh::  Life is rough, but I am making it through this.  The anger is better than the sadness. 

Tomorrow is Dick’s birthday.  I do not plan on calling, sending any text messages or emails.  Please keep your fingers crossed that I stay strong.  It’s hard. 

 Off to let my girl swim in the pool.  How can kids swim for hours at a time?  It does my soul good to see her so happy. 

A Little R & R

Em and I are off to Florida tomorrow, for some MUCH needed R & R.  I can’t wait – I need to get out of here for a while!

 Today is a better day.  I feel … up, much more up, than I have in the last week.  And I’m thankful. 

One week – who knew?

Today it has been one week.  How odd, to go from having a best friend that you talk to everyday, more than once, to seeing someone every night, to having dinner together almost every day …. to just, nothing.  Someone once told me that a break-up is like a death, you grieve the loss just as badly.  They were right.  This is something new for me, as all of my break-ups have never been this abrupt, this … FINAL.  Of course, my ex-husband and I still talk pretty much everyday due to our daughter.    My friend Shannon tells me that everyday is going to get a bit easier.  So far, this has not happened yet but I’m hoping that starts happening soon.

 Here are the things I realize do NOT help …

1) Drinking.  Actually, for about 3 hours, it helped a whole helluva lot.  However, then I got mushy drunk and wanted to cry.  That sucked.

2) Not Sleeping.  Sleeping is a MUST.  I have noticed that the less sleep I get, the more depressed I get.  Plus, I can’t be a tired mommy.  My girl can tell something is wrong, and she asks me if it’s because I miss him.  And I want to tell her that no, I don’t.  But I tell her the truth, that yes, I miss him but Mom is going to be ok.

3) Being by myself.  That just makes the day that much slower.  When I’m at work, I have something to do. When my girl is home, I always have something to do - as any single mom can tell you.  When she is at her dads, I walk around my house not knowing what to do and thinking of him.

4) Checking my phone every two minutes.  UGH I hate me for doing that, but I can’t help it.  What if it rang and I missed the call?  It’s just more humiliating to check the damn thing and see that he in fact, didn’t call.  

5) Checking my email every two minutes.  See #4

6) Looking for a self-help book.  I feel like a loser but I do want to buy one.  Right now I am more concerned that actually going to the book store and standing in the “I suck and got dumped” section just points out to everyone I can’t handle my breakup.

One week – and it was one helluva long week, let me tell you.

Things will get better, I know this.  I slept well last night, so today I’m holding my head higher.  My BFF is a huge sense of support and for that I am so grateful.  Scouring the web and finding other blogs, like MsSingleMama, is always helpful as well.

A single mom’s worst fear

My ex-husband got remarried six months after our divorce.  I was ok with this; actually I was happy for him.  Why shouldn’t I have been? I was in a great relationship with a man I loved very much.  He and I were talking of marriage as well.  Anyway, why do I bring up my ex you ask?  It’s surprising to me, that he has been a GREAT sense of support since the man I am in love with decided that we are no longer going to be together.  I was surprised at this and comforted by the fact that we are truly friends.

 I digress.  My worst fear in getting the divorce was dating and introducing my daughter to new men in my life.  I was intent on the fact that any man that met my daughter would be the man I was going to marry.  And when I fell in love so completely with him, I still had some reservations about introducing him to Emilee.  He brought it up to me as a matter of fact.  “When do I get to meet her?” and I loved him even more for wanting to meet her.  I am, after all, a package deal.  I introduced them; and she too, fell in love. And now, now that he’s gone, I am left picking up the pieces of not only my heart, but hers as well. 

How does a single mom explain to a five year old that mom no longer has a boyfriend?  How do I make her understand something I barely understand myself? She cries; I cry.  It breaks my heart to know that my worst fear has come true.  And it angers me that he gets to walk away – seemingly undaunted by the fact that my daughter, who loved him as much as I do, is hurting.

How did I deal with this?  I sat her down and told her that she and I were a family.  We will always be a family.  And mommy and Em very much wanted him to be a part of our family, but at this time, he doesn’t want to.  “Will we see him anymore mama?” she asks.  I shake my head and tell her, as my heart breaks again, that no, we will not be seeing him again.  But that she and I are still a family, and as long as we have eachother, we will be ok.   My sweet, precious daughter thinks for a minute, gives me a hug and says “That’s ok mama, we have our own family” and runs off to get her favorite stuffed animal and asks me for some snuggle time.

And I realized, at that moment, that snuggle time is exactly what I needed too.

Single Mom’s – The Night Out with the Girls

My daughter, Emilee, is coming home this morning after spending the weekend at her daddy’s house.  I am working up the energy to get out of bed as I headed out for some much needed girl time last night.  Being in the post-break up stage, I figured I’d do what almost every woman does – gets her friends together and go get our drink on.  Throw in some dancing and we had ourselves quite the night. 

At my age and in my area, I must be careful on which bars we choose to spend our time at.  There are many different types of bars to choose from, and each has their own qualities. 

•  The 18 and over bars – Just … well no.
• Country Dancing bars – Nope
• The 20 something bars – almost all bars have these.  How to escape?
• The Martini Bar – Now we are onto something!
• The Dancing Bar – Ok, not bad but potential of being surrounded by young 21 year olds
• The Hip Hop Bar – Nope, not for me

I have to say the Martini Bar is my favorite right now.  Usually because I’m not surrounded by the younger 20-somethings.  I do not need to be the “mominatrix” for a bunch of younger kids still learning how to hold their liquor. NO OFFENSE 20 somethings, I’ve been there done that and enjoyed it immensely.  I just don’t need to be surrounded by it when I’m out trying to look hot at my age.